Neither dungeons nor dragons

I’ve been a TTRPG enthusiast for more than 10 years now. I’ve tried many different systems and have even tried my hand in designing my own.

D&D was one of those games I played with different groups under different circumstances. Starting with 3rd edition (well, 3.5), then 4th, Pathfinder, and then 5th.

A trend I failed to notice at first was that the burden of buying the thick books and learning them was always assumed to be on the Dungeon Master. Players learned by doing whatever the DM told them, and sometimes borrowing (or pirating) the books.

This led to very authoritarian tables where everything the DM said was law. And any questioning of this authority would be punished in-game and at the table. The DM held the secrets of the game, and often they would place a physical barrier at the table to ensure this was clear. They had a story they wanted to tell, and they didn’t want the players to get any delusions of grandeur, so the first unwritten rule is that the rules only apply when the DM likes them. Of course, this adversarial relationship cultivated some resentment. I’ve watched games devolve into a competition of who gets to cheat the most in order to have a sense of agency.

I don’t want to talk about the toxic players, but I don’t want to seem like I’m ignoring the problem. Sure, I’ve met kind DMs, whom I still regard as friends, but I’ve cut ties with much more people. The truth remains that the game attracts some shitty people.

I saw how the community does a great job at highlighting the positive aspects of the hobby. And as I tried to learn more about the game the internet influencers made me feel I was playing the game wrong. There was only one way to find out.

So, about a year ago I decided to give D&D a chance. I wanted to read the books and learn the rules. I wanted to help new players learn the ropes without the influence of the jaded gatekeepers. Without the maze of third-party content, half-baked house rules, and habits held from previous editions. And I most certainly tried.

That’s when I learned the game, by itself, is unplayable. The Dungeon Master’s guide provides very specific and detailed rules for some things and leaves other things to the imagination. The game mechanics are fine tuned for a certain type of experience (mostly boardgame-like dungeon looting), but the game invites you to engage in open-world adventures with lots of character interactions. The game encourages DMs to make the game their own, but also burdens them with decades of lore. It’s a jumbled mess of archaic wargaming and modern roleplay. The reader is presented with pages upon pages of detailed game mechanics, followed by “or just do whatever, it’s just a game, tee hee!” quips.

Here’s the thing: They don’t have any incentive to polish or complete the game. D&D is to tabletop role-playing games what Google is to web search, so consumers don’t know about the thousands of well-thought-out games. On the other hand, they have an many incentives for keeping things vague. For starters, they don’t want to enrage the toxic fandom they’ve cultivated. As the saying goes, “nerds hate change.”

The result is that modern D&D is not a game, it’s a vibe, a tradition, a mood.

For players, it’s something they, or someone they know (or saw on TV) has been doing for 30 years.

For DMs, it’s something handed down to them by their dad, or a friend their dad’s age, along with a binder full of house-rules, a thumb drive full of dubious PDFs, a handful of miniatures, and the assurance that they’ll get to do whatever they want, and they’ll get free pizza in return.

Every revision of the game comes with neat ideas for players, and less resources for DMs. It’s a catalog with neat pictures of cool characters doing awesome things. It’s not marketed towards DMs, even though they do most of the spending.

That’s because DMs don’t need convincing; the toxic DMs get a captive audience and a weekly power trip, and the kind ones get a chance to please their friends, and a vast majority are just pressured into DMing.

It’s all a scam. They rely mostly on word-of-mouth, influencers, and product placement to make people want to join this lifestyle. New books published every so often entice old players to return by promising cool new features and more powerful characters. These players need DMs. These DMs need to cough up the money to buy the content the players want. 

The publisher doesn’t care if it’s an abusive DM, a reluctant DM, or a cheerful DM They don’t care what those DMs struggle with, if they play by the rules, or what third-party tools they must explore to make their shit game playable. It doesn’t matter as long as they consume, and that makes for a bad community, and a bad gaming experience.

D&D is to tabletop RPGs what Monopoly is to bard games: It’s the one everyone things of first, it’s the one people who don’t know better prefer to play, they keep coming up with stupid gimmicks, one player must do extra work, it’s not fun, people often end up arguing, and adding house rules usually makes things worse.

If you’ve made it this far, you probably expect some advice from me. How about don’t play D&D? If you must, don’t ask anyone to DM it, do it yourself and see what it’s like. If you’re an experienced DM… Why? There’re better games out there! Show some self-respect!

Stadia's she goes

Hey! Guys, have you heard of Stadia? It's really neat!

Sure, it's not better than your next-gen console or your PC worth thousands... wait, you don't have one? Then read on! You can play next gen games without spending a penny on hardware! As long as you have a stable internet connection, that is.

You just buy the game (digitally, of course) and you can play it on any computer! Even an old Chromebook! You can use almost any old controller you have lying around, or keyboard+mouse for some games! The software is available immediately without downloads or updates.

They even have some free to play games right now that you can try, in case you're not sure your internet connection can handle it! All free!

Sure, they'll have you sign up for a free trial of the premium service, which enables 4K video for a handful of games, and unlimited access to a decent library of games... but you don't have to renew if you don't find any value in it! I didn't!

Additionally you can buy a controller that connects to the service via Wi-Fi so you can play on your TV with a Chromecast Ultra. It's like a console, but a lot cheaper!

I'm telling you, you can't afford not to try it. It's the future of gaming, if anything you should check it out just to be a part of history. I used it to play Cyberpunk 2077 on launch day without owning a gaming PC or current-gen console and I loved the experience. 

Here's a referral link, if you happen to sign up for pro I get a free month or pro too.

They have a bunch of neat features that they plan on sharing soon, too. Cloud gaming stuff that consoles or PC simply can't do.

There's only one problem. Google is absolutely screwing the pooch with this one. They are pulling a Wii U.

The Wii U failed because people failed to see its potential. People didn't understand it, therefore people didn't see a reason to try it. It didn't sell well, therefore the company had no incentive to invest in software, accessories, or updates, so they announced a discontinuation, and people started acting like their console will quite literally stop working immediately.

Google has made the launch of the service as confusing as possible. They tried to appeal to the audience that already owns a better system, and left those who could benefit from the system in the dark. To make things worse they recently announced they would close their first-party studio and the media saw this as a call to abandon ship.

Google needs to snap out of it and fire their marketing team before it's too late to break out of that cycle.  I seriously doubt Google will just pull the plug and move on because this is a paid service tied to paid digital and physical products.

Worst case scenario, they just stop investing in it until a reasonable time has passed and they can justify pulling the plug on paying users without much scandal. In the meantime all we can do is throw our support behind it, hoping Google resumes investing and we may soon see what it's really capable of. At any rate, the service is already good, and any software you buy there today will be available to you until you're done with it.

Whenever the games industry tries something new, the hardcore gamer hive mind decides they hate it and soon enough it dies from lack of support from the core audience. But I believe Stadia is a great option for the casual gamers who want to try out all the hot new games but don't want to invest in hardware. It's also a great option for anyone who wants to try one game in particular without committing to a piece of hardware that would just gather dust after they're done with it. The convenience of it all cannot be understated.

If you're the kind of nerd who wants physical copies of thousands of games on a shelf to show off in the background of your unboxing youtube videos, Stadia may not be for you. But if you have streamed more movies than you physically own, you should reconsider. Don't worry, you don't have to throw away your entire game collection for it to work.

If we want the technology to advance, and for games to catch up, we must at least participate in the process. If you've already invested in superior hardware, at least keep it in mind next time a friend or relative asks you whether they should get a PS5 or Xbox, because if they're asking, Stadia is probably a better fit for them. There's no excuse when the service is free to try. Unless you're a hater.

Update

My last post on this blog was roughly four years and a half ago.

I stopped blogging because life kept happening. Also because I felt blogging was irrelevant, since I could just share my opinions on social media for the same audience. Besides, there's no way to compete with youtube vloggers and twitch streamers, anyway.

But I've been feeling downcast the last few days and there's some stuff I want to get on my chest. I think this is the right platform for that. Bonus points if anyone actually reads it (drop a comment if you want to absolutely make my day).

Four and a half years ago the 3DS was halfway through it's life-cycle, the Wii U still had potential, and he Nintendo switch was still code-named NX. Feels like forever ago.

If you're reading this it's likely because you were subscribed, so there's no point in telling you to stay tuned, but please do!

Pokemon Go: Approach With Caution.

So here's my game review: it's a free game, just get it and check it out, it's a lot of fun! Delete it if you don't like it. It's riddled with glitches and connectivity issues, and needs a lot of balancing, but that should be taken care of soon. That's it.

But before you do, here are some words of caution. A few years ago I wrote a piece about Ingress, and most of it also applies to Pokémon GO. Please check it out for context.

You will never be the very best.

This is not a game of skill. It's a game of mindless grinding. Walk, swipe, repeat. Niantic made a point not to alienate Pokemon Noobs (like me) and it works. The game gives you each Pokemon's stats and even assembles the ideal team for every battle. Just tap the screen.

You can also purchase boosts via micro-transactions. Also, location is key. Some players literally live and work around "pokestops" while others have to drive for hours to the nearest one.

It is pretty obvious that at the game progresses and gains popularity, there will be more premium content. You will have to visit specific stores, or buy certain products to stay ahead. Some of these stores or products may not exist in your town, city, or country.

What this means for you is that there will always be a kid with more free time, more money, and more nearby locations. No matter how hard you try. Effort is meaningless in this game.

If you decide you still want to play, you will have to fight the urge to put effort into the game. To spend gas money driving around. To spend cash in poke-coins. To trash talk other teams. To plan strategies. To walk more. You will not be rewarded for your effort, you will only have a constant feeling that you must try harder. I've seen cars speeding from stop to stop late at night in my neighborhood, screeching to a halt wherever a pokemon spawns. They seem frantic, desperate to gain an edge. Niantic is banking on this frustration do drive players to buy boosts with real money.

Uber knows you're more likely to pay more for your ride when your battery is running low. Niantic knows you're more likely to buy pokeballs if they make a rare pokemon spawn next to you when you have none.

I explained this to my wife yesterday morning and we both laughed, a few hours later she sent me a screenshot today to show off her in-game progress without knowing that screen also shows the amount of coins she had bought. A rare pokemon was there and she was fresh outta pokeballs. We're on a budget, and even though five bucks won't break us, it feels like a lot given the worthlessness of what was purchased. Once I realized this I knew I had to stop. The desire to one-up everybody else is strong even among the closest of friends, friendship be damned.

With enough maturity the game can be played casually. If you can manage this, the game is fun. Unless you're playing all by yourself while surrounded by friends...

You picked the wrong team.

In order to play the game competitively you need backup. Going solo will result in immediate defeat.

Just like in ingress, the game is not about "leading" every gym, but about leading as many as possible. It is far easier to bring down an enemy gym than to build one up for your team, and this makes sense because otherwise things would seldom change. But the scale tips so hard on the side of destruction that you can literally see gyms switching colors a few times per minute on busy areas. It all feels so pointless.

If you decide to play be sure to ask your friends what team they are, and pick the one most popular among them. Failing to do so will result in unfriendly competition, You simply will not be able to play together. If your friends are on an opposing team, everything yo do will hurt them, and vice versa.

So, you are on your friends team. When you get to work or school, it may be dominated by another team. Or your entire town, even. the team mechanic is divisive no matter how you see it.

I convinced a few family members to play, even though soon enough someone else would. But for some reason they all chose team valor, even though they knew I was team Mystic. So we can't even play as a family. If I chose to go on a trip with them, we simply wouldn't be able to make much progress, because we'd be competing. If all of us put in the effort to conquer a gym in a secluded location (hoping it lasts), only some of us will be rewarded for the trip. We can't all claim it. It's them or me now. And I simply do not want to be in that situation, so I thought I'd quit and deleted the app...

It's not easy to quit.

So I guess I can't do that. The addiction has settled in my family, and they want me to play along some more. Somehow not wanting to continue this cycle of pointless competition makes me a jerk.

I guess we'll have to have a family talk on how to approach this before things go sour. I suggest you do the same with your family and or circle of friends. Set some rules, some honor code, and figure out whats to do when you get to a distant gym and everyone wants to claim it, I still haven't.

Miitomo walkthrough and strategy guide.

Here's how to beat all your friends at nintendo's first ever smartphone game, Miitomo:

1. It's not a game.
2. You can't win.
3. You can't lose.
4. You're not supposed to play it.

Follow these four easy steps and you will be above the competition! Having any expectation of having "fun" while "playing" Miitomo will ruin it for you. You will "burn out" if you try to "unlock" all the "content". You will realize there is no "reward" to "leveling up".

Miitomo is a social app. Just like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and such! It's used for communicating. The only difference, though, is that it controls the flow of information, and that's a good thing. Less spam! More meaningful conversation!

Alright, here's some actual tips:

1. Answer questions honestly - You can't get to know your friends if they are too busy posting dumb answers to amuse themselves.
2. Make fun miifotos - Miifotos have fgreat potential, share them everywhere!
3. Don't add random people - You don't care what some random person off the internet did last weekend, trust me.
4. Make your mii look like you - miis will move, do facial expresion, and wear different outfits. If your mii has eyebrows for antennae, you're fucking the whole thing up. You asshole.
5. Use proper spelling and grammar - Miis will read posts out loud, please, for the love of iwata, type accordingly!
6. Everybody likes pizza - I'm pretty sure there's a more interesting dish that you like.
7. Check the app maybe once or twice a day, or you'll burn out - IT'S NOT A GAME!
8. Start conversations - don't just comment "same!" Share your thoughts! And not just your answer to the same question! Sheesh!

I'm too old for Splatoon, but I can't stop playing.

I've been hella busy lately, so here's a quick update on Splatoon:

So. being the bona-fide Nintendo fanboy that I am, I was quite exited to hear about Splatoon. But I was cautiously optimistic. I thought it had the potential to be a hit, but it would certainly not be for me.

Then they released the "testfire" stress test/demo, and I had to give it a try. Not only was the game lots of fun, but I was actually quite good at it! Then there was another test, and I was kicking ass! So of course I wanted the game!

Nintendo had made a formula in which casual players could be good at a competitive first person shooter! And it's an awesome game!

Then came the updates. They added new weapons, and new maps, each more complex and harder to master. And that was a problem. I was falling behind. I was great with the newbie weapons, and I knew the newbie maps like the back of my hand, but the kids with the fast reflexes and the zero responsibilities started gaining an advantage. Things get so intense I end up with a headache if i play too long. Yep. it's no longer a relaxing activity.

So here I am, with twelve-year-old kids running circles around me. Aching to play with adults. I tried for about 6 months to form a regular "squad". For a few weeks I had a "regular group", and as we played it would turn out they were little kids too.

To this day, none of my friends play the game, either. Not even those who have it!

So I think the problem with this IP is that Nintendo made it too focused towards millennials. And it's a shame because it's a great game. I still have hopes that they perfect the ranking and matchmaking algorithms so that I don't have a stroke playing this game.

I tried to warn you. Gamers are on the brink of extinction.

That's right. Gamers are going the way of the Dreamcast. Gone. Cancelled. Forgotten. No need to be angry, though! It's gonna be fine! You're going to be fine, I promise! Put down your weapon and continue reading.

For the last few years I've been writing about how toxic the "Handcore demographic" has gotten. I've discussed Nintendo hate among gamers and tried to define the term "Hardcore". I think I caught a bit of a trend there, don't you?

Recently, however, a great deal of shit has hit the fan. I don't have all the facts, but the news are pretty disturbing. Here's some headlines:

• Trolls drive Anita Sarkeesian out of her house to prove misogyny doesn't exist

• The Anti-Feminist Internet Targets 'Depression Quest' Game Creator Zoe Quinn

• Fez developer Polytron hacked in ongoing game developer harassment effort

Even if these articles were full of lies, the fact remains that people are rushing to the comments section in these pages to defend whoever's harassing these people. Under what circumstances is it OK to attack people like this? None. It's wrong. I don't care how evil do you think these people are. I don't wanna hear about corruption in journalism and any other bullshit arguments. If you disagree with these people, then don't consume their product. There are more pressing issues right now! Like wars and global warming and shit!

So why are people turning violent over such trivial matters (AKA Video Games)? Previously I had hypothesized that the hardcore gamer crowd was taking the offensive because they suddenly felt like a majority, whereas they had previously been bullied. I still think this is true, but not the main reason. There's a point I had not considered, something else that hit the media today.

Dan Golding seems to have hit the nail right on the head (please click on the links for context). Turns out the gamers are feeling threatened!

I fully agree with his views. The gamers are lashing out against anyone who threatens to change their lifestyle, their identity, or to let outsiders into their couch fortress.

Suddenly the feminists say that we can't have gratuitous titties in our games. We're fucking adults! Stop messing with our games! Then these chicks are making girly games, and now when I go to Gamestop, there's little girls there too! I can't shop at a store that caters to little girls! Did you know girls can't be gamers? And if they are they have to be virgins! Ugly virgins that fear our ever-ready rape stick! Yeah, we can make rape jokes, we're adults! Now everybody wants to be a gamer, and if everyone is a gamer, then what am I? Just a person? What am I supposed to do with all this loot crate swag now? Who am I?

One thing the last two articles referenced never mentioned, however, is the Nintendo hate! The final piece of the puzzle! Now I know why the hardcore gamers love to hate Nintendo! Because Nintendo is changing their hobby! They're making games for children and adults. They make controllers that require body movements. They keep prices low to appeal to a wider audience... They are threatening the status quo. No, wait, they destroyed it long ago, now, with the Wii.

I heard people complain that Nintendo was refusing to evolve by developing underpowered hardware and sticking to their franchises. But isn't it the other way around? Hasn't the entire industry, including the consumer, refused to evolve by not allowing innovation and diversity?

If you're a hardcore gamer, know that there will always be a market for "triple A" games. But you will have to share now. But nobody's taking anything from you! There's just going to be more! Enough for everyone! But some things will change. But for the better! Some of the gratuitous violence and misogyny will slowly fade out as more and more females start to buy games, and as the media finally starts to pay attention. But more consumers means more business! The industry is going to flourish! Everyone's a gamer now, you're just a guy now. Sure, you won't have that feeling of belonging anymore, but you're no longer an outcast! See? I told you everything was going to be alright!

Please don't kill me. I love you!

How to save the Wii U

I know you've read a brazillion posts about how to save the Wii U, And I know you are sick of them all. But bear with me for a moment, this one actually makes sense!

What the Wii U needs is a killer app. What the Wii U needs is Jet Grind Radio. Think about it.

The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker showed us that the Wii U's full 1080, 60fps capability makes cel-shaded graphics look gorgeous. What other game was popular for using cel-shaded graphics? Jet Grind Radio. The game will certainly look amazing.

On the Dreamcast days, JGR had a neat graffiti generation tool. You could make customized tags that looked great, in case you got tired of the pre-made ones. But you could go further and go on your computer, edit some graphics, and them import them via the Dreamcast's web browser. Spray-painting silly pictures around town was half the fun. But there's no need for any of this on the Wii U, because of the Gamepad! There's a huge artist community on Miiverse, and if you give them the ability to make cool tags with Gamepad, share them on Miiverse, and use them in-game, they will go crazy!

Of course, when you had chosen your tags for the game, painting them in-game was done by swiping the analog stick. You had to be fast, especially with larger tags, because the cops were always after you. Now imagine the possibilities. Instead of swiping on a stick, you trace lines on the gamepad, and while the gamepad shows your art taking shape, the TV screen shows an over-the shoulder view of the back of the character, so you can keep an eye on incoming cops. ZombiU proved this was a great gameplay mechanic when you had to use the gamepad to unlock doors or fix things while you kept an eye on the big screen for incoming zombies. The more complicated the task, the more you have to focus, the more you have to focus, the easier it is for cops to sneak up on you. Sure, JGR's cops aren't sneaky shambling zombies, but nevertheless it sounds like loads of fun. In JGR the cops would shoot you and try to harm you, but the new version could include cops who walk up to you and if they get their hands on you you'd be arrested and the game ends.

Some have called the Wii U Nintendo's Dreamcast. I can certainly feel the similarities, and I'm willing to wager a lot of Dreamcast fans own Wii U systems, but many more are apprehensive after DC's failure. This move might win many of them over.

JGR featured some awesome music I still listen to today, if SEGA and Nintendo get the right music for this game it will sell itself.

And my final argument: Jet Grind radio was a lot of fun. I'd play that game for hours on end. A fun game is always a safe bet. I'd grind and grind for hours to get the best scores, with no one to show, but now, playing for high scores takes on a new meaning with Miiverse. Again the fun factor is multiplied.

And this is how you save the Wii U. With Jet Grind Radio as a system exclusive.

Homodachi Life.

This whole #Miiquality deal reminds me of the time PETA went against Nintendo for Mario's tanooki fur suit.

It's not helping their cause at all.

We're talking about a game made by a bunch of middle-aged Japanese men. They did not push the gays out, they probably didn't notice that they were waiting outside in the first place.

Throw an avalanche of hate in their direction, when they're already in trouble financially, and of course they're going to come out with an awkward,  panicked response that can be easily torn apart by the frenzied masses and turned agains them.

They realized that they made a mistake.  They did not do it on purpose, but they see it's a big deal.  They promised it won't happen again.  But the masses are still wielding torches and pitchforks.  They want Iwata's head on a plate.

The same thing happened when Anita Sarkeesian called them out on their sexist ways. They listened and they changed. Peach is now a heroine instead of a damsel in distress.

The LGBT community now has an ally in Nintendo. I hope they realize that before they drive them to bankruptcy.

I Fink u Froakie and I Like u Alot

I've never been a Pokemon fan. I never even saw the appeal of it. You go around the world doing horrible things to innocent creatures for fun and the only thing that is at stake is... uh...  that someone else may have more pokemon slaves than you. I say slaves instead of pets because I know some of these are sentient.

On the other hand, Pokemon is a pop culture phenomenon that is VERY hard to avoid. I'd seen the cartoons, I'd seen the memes, I even completed the pokedex in the 3DS (I was bored at work)! I'll throw around phrases like "it's super effective" when surrounded by pokemon people, and I'd probably be able to to name quite a few pokemon. One really can't just ignore it, but one sure can try, and try I did; I steered clear of any actual pokemon games for all these years, simply because I knew it'd take up too much of my limited brain capacity.

For the last few weeks, Nintendo ran this promotion where they were giving out a free download code for Pokemon X/Y... It's free dagnabbit, I can't turn down a freebie! So since my son's 3DS is broken, I decided to install it in my 3ds and give it a go. The truth is that I had knocked it before I had tried it, and maybe it deserves a chance.

So here I am, I've played for about an hour... and I still don't get it. What's the point of the entire game? My character is a boy and an unknown man told him to leave home on an adventure! Stranger danger! His mom immediately packed his stuff and sent him off to enslave all the pokemen. I love you too, mom!

I chose Froakie as my starter and named him Freakie (because I'm so froaking clever). I assume I have to walk down the road because there is nowhere else to go. That's my motivation to move forward; because my other option is to stay where I started. You call this an RPG?

So I find a creature in the grass, I tell my creature to beat it up, and if it doesn't quite die I get to keep it and torture it. Hooray! If something interesting doesn't happen soon, I'll erase my save.

So why am I writing this, then? Why not just stop playing now? Because something freaky is going on. I find myself giggling uncontrollably at the references made in-game! I cheer when I see a pokemon I recognize! ...and I feel I have to catch more! This game is tickling that "ooh, I've seen this before" nerve in my brain, and it's all backwards! You're supposed to play this game FIRST, then enjoy the memes, the cartoons, the damn pokedex...

...It's all backwards? Why? What is the meaning of life? What if, this whole thing is just a dream? Maybe there is no reality, and all exists within my head, which only exists because I thought of it.

One thing is certain, this blog only exists in my head, and I'm the only one that reads it. I haven't written in ages and I have so much to say about the Wii U, Bravely Default, and a handful of mobile games. Oh well. I'll write more about this game once I've gotten a few more hours into it.

Watch a GameStop employee make an ass out of himself.

I have decided GameStop no longer deserves my business.

Yesterday I visited a GameStop store because a flyer on their door caught my eye. It said I could get double in-store credit for my game system trade-in. Now, before I entered the store I did some quick math in my brain:

The normal trade-in value for a Nintendo 3DS is about $80.00. I say about because I'm aware prices fluctuate. A new nintendo 3DSXL costs $199.99. Therefore 199.99 - ( 80 * 2) = 39.99. HOLYCRAP! I can upgrade for just 40 bucks? Where do I sign? I rushed inside and asked for the trade-in value of a 3DS under this new promotion. The man kindly said it's about $100.00. Wait a minute! 80 * 2 > 100! I calmly asked; Is the regular trade-in value around $50.00? The man explained the prices fluctuate, which is perfectly understandable, but then he went on. He said something to the effect of "They play with the values a bit before the promotion, but it's still the most we've ever offered." Please note the word he used was "play".

How kind of him. I walked out. I'm not a victim. I was not ripped off. I don't need to sell my 3DS. I don't need a 3DSXL. But I decided to vent online about how I almost fell for the bait and switch, and hopefully an any potential victims. This is what happened:

I posted a screen capture in case they delete the post, but the conversation is still ongoing here.

Now the subject of the post changes entirely. Let's say Ryan Smith (identified as games Advisor for GameStop on his Google+ profile) is absolutely right. Let's say there is no bait and switch and I should be grateful I'm getting double in-store credit. Fine. Why is he verbally abusing me? I'm not just a dude on the internet, I'm a customer at his employer's place of business, therefore I'm HIS customer! I found it particularly disgusting how he used all that hardcore corporate capitalist jargon at the end. His words, to me, represent the thoughts of an entire corporation.

Well, I guess there isn't much left to say, the comments say it all. Feel free to click the link and tell Mr. Smith (or me) how you feel about their trade-in policies and the quality of ther customer service. My point is that I'm not spending another dime on GameStop.

I have placed a complaint with GameStop and will update when they respond.

UPDATE: No answer from GameStop yet. The man has changed his employment status in G+ before denying working there.

You want Mario on your iPhone and I want a real life baby unicorn.

I don't always blog, but when I do, it's because of something stupid I saw on the Internet.

Listen, I've had it up to here with your stupid "Nintendo should start making IOS/Android games" posts. You're stupid and so is your mother's face. - me

Lately I've observed this disturbing trend were professional video game writers and so called analysts go on rambling about how Nintendo should pull a SEGA and start selling their games on smartphones and tablets.

I've commented on these posts whenever I see them, but haters just won't listen to reason. I think now I understand why. The key word here is "should". I can't call out the fallacy because of THAT word. Were they saying "Nintendo must", "it would be profitable to Nintendo if" or anything among those lines, my argument that Nintendo sells consoles at a loss and only starts making profit after a few games are sold for each would suffice.

Should (SHo͝od), Verb

• Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions: "he should have been careful".

• Indicating a desirable or expected state: "by now students should be able to read".

By that logic. I could make a blog post about how the people of the world should unite and name me their new leader. I also think IOS and Android should make love and give birth to baby iDroids, which they would hand out for FREE, preloaded with each piece of software ever known to man. They would also have a Sega Genesis cartridge slot, and it would come packaged with Sonic 3 AND Sonic & Knuckles cartridges. Why should they? Because that's what I want, Isn't that a valid reason?

Listen, Mario is, right now, the most recognized character in video games, and the franchise is the top selling video game franchise of all time. OF ALL TIME! Hell, Mario is arguably more popular than Mickey Mouse! And that's on Nintendo systems alone (and the occasional odd PC licence). Would the franchise sell better if it were available on smartphones? Logic dictates YES, but it doesn't need to sell any better! Not only is it selling well, its selling best, and that's better enough.

Fact: People buy Nintendo consoles to play Nintendo games, and their oft-criticized lack of third party support aids my argument. Wii is the best selling console of this generation, matched only by XBOX 360, but the sales figures for those don't mention that avid fanboys repeatedly buy replacement consoles whenever their Xboxes die, and that the system has been repachaged a million times. The only reason Wii sales have dwindled recently is because of the Wii U.

Finally, always remember Nintendo is a hardware company, just like Apple is a hardware company. Apple makes all kinds of neat software and services to sell their hardware, to the point some of their hardware is actually popular because of the software. Apple is known because their software, especially the operating systems, are built from the ground up along the hardware, and you don't see people asking Apple to sell IOS on Samsung devices. So why should Nintendo allow their competition to use their software? Is it because their hardware is selling so poorly, kinda like what SEGA did? Well, kiddo, the difference between SEGA and Nintendo's (and I'm a SEGA fanboy before a Nintendo fanboy) is that their hardware actually sells a lot better than their competition, even though the loud minority composed of "hardcore" gamer wants you to think otherwise. Just look at the sales numbers.

So quit whining about how you want Mario on your iPhone or Pokemon on your Android, buy a goddamned Nintendo system or STFU and GTFO.

The Damsel In Distress

Just in time for international women's day, this video comes up, reminding us of a serious issue that is still rampant in the world of gaming, sexism.

Do you think this will turn into a PR disaster for Nintendo? I hope it doesn't, but this, together with turning their only good female character into a bootylicious blonde with daddy issues in Metroid Other M, should not go unnoticed. To be honest, I lost a bit of respect for Miyamoto after watching that video.

What are your thoughts? Please comment! In the meantime, here's a video of a hacked Donkey Kong game on which Pauline saves Mario.

Outdated Review: The "Denpa" Men: They Came By Wave

OK. There's a free demo out there for this game, so I won't waste my time telling you why you should get this game. Just play the demo.

I, however, want to tell you why you should get the demo. Denpa men is a JRPG in the classical sense, a dungeon-crawler if you will. But at the same time it's a very interesting experiment.

[insert flashback sound effect here]

Back in the day, when games were about gaming and not about story, RPG's (now known a JRPG's, before the gaijin ruined the genre) were the exception. These games were meant to be more of an interesting interactive story, inspired by classic western table-top RPG's (circle closed). Somehow one of the tropes of the genre was that battles had to be strategic, and turn based. Whenever a game broke away from the formula and added action, it was demoted to an "adventure" game.

The thing was, that the general impression was that if you wanted a really good story, you wanted an RPG, and usually that meant muscling through hours of tedious grind. You had to work HARD for your story (or you could just buy a book). Anyway, my point is, the 16-bit era was tough. WE had it tough. Kids nowadays get all kinds of cool stories even with the dumbest of first person shooters.

Curious thing, though, is that many of us eventually got used to the grind, and learned to appreciate it. Denpa Men is all about this. The turn-based combat. The strategic building of a team. The dungeon crawling. The story? Meh. You won't be buying this game for the story, sorry. But bear with me.

They took all the fun things about JRPG combat and streamlined it all the way. For example, when an enemy hits all your guys, you're just told how much damage they received in average (their individual gauges in the lower screen show HP in detail, still). When you set all your guys to attack, the animation shows them just rushing and ganging up on the enemy, then you're told the total damage made. Your party is made of 8 guys, so imagine having to wait for all of them to attack! If you've ever played a JRPG, you know most of the time you just set all of your party to attack! But you know what they did? They made an "everybody just attack" button! Oh, sweet, glorious grind! Sure, sometimes you need to do other stuff, and those get their own animations, but it's still pretty smooth. All commands are given at the beginning of the turn, Dragon Quest style, so you can use your touchscreen to give the specific orders, then when you're done, hit the "all attack" button to set everybody else on attack mode.

They even threw in an auto mode, so everybody attacks unless their "Antenna Power" is useful. You gotta approach this one with caution. It may make things a bit too easy. The AI for the auto is pretty meta, this means anybody with an attack or debuff power will use it unless the enemy is impervious to it and, healers will only heal when necessary. So it makes exploiting the enemies' weaknesses a bit to easy. Unless you do what I do and spend your day fine-tuning your powers and equipment into a deadly, fail-proof, auto-mode machine.

There's the added gimmick of HOW you find the Denpa Men. Somehow the game reads radio waves around you and generates Denpa men from them. The game's backstory is that Denpa (literally "radio waves" in Japanese) reside in radio waves, so basically they reside in actual locations. You will find specific Denpa men on your living room whenever you scan it, then some more at work. They each have a name, color, face,  personality and are attached to a real-life location, so you will find yourself recognizing them, even if you don't catch them. These personalities would be more amusing if they spoke throughout the game, but they only speak when you chose to talk to them. Yes, they totally acknowledge you as the player, and their strategist.

Anyways, the game is an interesting experiment in which they made a JRPG that's all about the grind and not really about the story. And it works. The monsters are adorable, dungeons are pretty neat, and music is super catchy, so you find yourself grinding for fun.  Buy it, it's only ten bucks. Get the demo if you don't believe me.

Cool story, bro

Ever since the creation of this blog, I've been talking about how gaming just sucks nowadays. I've written  about the "core" wars and the deep Nintendo hatred that has poisoned this generation of gamers, and other alarming facts. 'Tis true, my friends, gaming has taken an ugly turn ever since the PlayStation days. And I think I've figured out one of the main reasons.

"I only care about the story" - some jerk

Ever since the advent of the CD-rom, gaming somehow changed. I've talked before about how it destroyed video game music as we knew it, by making it linear instead of interactive. But, if you think about it, didn't it destroy everything else in the same way? Let's talk about cutscenes. In the 8 and 16-bit eras, games would have dramatic cutscenes every once in a while designed merely to add some depth to the in-game storytelling. These consisted of still images and scrolling text, or maybe some simplistic animation. Similar techniques were used for "attract mode" displays in arcade machines, again, to add a bit of "story telling" as well as some visual flare to an otherwise ugly-looking game.

But was the game ever about the cutscene? WAS IT?!?!

Cutscene in Pac-Man: Actual gameplay experience may vary.

Will someone explain to me, then, why games in the 21th century are all about the non-interactive parts? Crack open a video-game magazine, look up a gaming blog or one of those hideous TV shows about gaming, and look at how the review, even approach games. They will try to sell that shit to you like it's a fucking movie. I'm not making shit up. Open a new tab and go for it. It's disgusting.

ProTip: Don't let your hardcore buddies see you crying.

For comparison's sake, let's bring out Gamepro's classic rating scale. Remember that? Back in the day, video game magazines had their own rating scales, usually judging different aspects of the game separately, occasionally bringing up an average. These were usually:

• Graphics, covering how the game looked, not just the graphical power, but the general artistic direction. Keep in mind these magazines would rate games on different consoles with different processing power.
• Sound, focused on sound effects quality as well as music.
• Control, or how well the game reacted to your input, bad control can ruin the best games.
• Gameplay, or how much fun it actually is. Often labeled as the most important aspect.

Nope, I don't recall any specific situation in which "Story" was weighed in, but I guess it might be a factor in some publications. The main reason story was not a big deal, was because only certain genres were about the story.

OK, now back to contemporary game journalism. "It's a game about some characters who have to save something important from something bad."

That's it. That's all you get. A goddamned movie synopsis. Because now that games are fucking mainstream, somehow they thought it would be appropriate to treat them like movies, because that's what mainstream media understands.

They might throw you a "Great graphics!" bone every now and then, but who gives a damn when all games look the same? What they're rating is the console's graphic processor, not the game's "realist" (AKA non-existing) art direction. If they were rating the game's art direction, games like Skyward Sword and Monster Hunter Tri would be high above all the first person shooters. Naw, they just care about counting hairs and sweat drops. Then you have the average hypocritical gamer who says they only care about the story, but also evade the under-powered consoles like it's the damned plague.

Enough with the "graphics" tangent. My point is this: Games are not movies, and should not be judged as such. It's not about the story and the special effects. Sure, you want good graphics and a solid story, but games have a lot more to offer, because they're freaking GAMES. If you just want a good story with nice special effects and little interaction, go watch a movie and leave my video games alone!

Haters Gonna Hate

Hey kids! Today I’m going to cover a subject I have mentioned before, so to avoid repetition, please peruse the following links for context.

• Softcore
• Revenge of the (hardcore) Nerds
• My lawn, and why you should get off it

Based on recent events, and the links provided, if you have been following this blog (and by “you” I mean “nobody”) you might have seen this coming. I want to talk about the WiiU announcement on the 2012 Electronic Entertainment Expo.

Regarding the other brands, I saw many of the other presentations, and only a handful of games caught my eye, but in the end it’s all just sequels and software with very few innovations. Sure, the games look sweet, but that’s the standard nowadays. Oh and a handful of WiiU Gamepad imitations.

As an out-of-the closet Nintendo fanboy, I watched the pre-E3 presentation on Nintendo Direct and watched the actual presentation live on TV. What I saw blew my mind. I immediately went on to the Interwebs to discuss this with my peers. What I found made me not want to live in this planet anymore.

I tried to show the videos to my friends and most just flat out refused to watch. That’s right; many just rejected the concept before even knowing what it was. Kids on various social networks kept bitching that Nintendo stole Microsoft’s XBOX 360 controller design. Do you seriously think Microsoft made that from scratch?

Many criticized the Wii’s lack of third party support, probably the only true argument on the hater’s side. And while, sure, it’s a known fact that Nintendo did not play well with others, at the same time, no big budget game developer is going to waste time re-designing a game to make it playable on a system that is so different. With the new classic pro controller, developing games for the WiiU is going to be the same as the other systems, and you can tell because many developers have already brought their franchises to the WiiU. You see? They just wanted it easy, and it looks like this time around Nintendo is making it easy.

I’ve defended as well as criticized Nintendo’s decisions before, but you know what? I’ve decided I don’t need to anyway. Nintendo is a corporation, and what corporations do is make money. It is wiser to sell affordable entertainment to the masses than to sell expensive toys to a loud minority. That’s right, the “hardcore gamer” demographic is a puny, pathetic little niche in the market, just look at the sales figures.

As the meme goes, “Haters gonna hate”. I’m done defending Nintendo. The only way the “hardcore” crowd would have approved the WiiU is if Iwata had stood on the stage, pointed at a picture of a piece of hardware and said “It allows you to play Call of Duty on your Xbox360 while your mom gets you more pizza rolls”.

I know the WiiU will be successful and I will buy one as soon as I can. I know the gamepad will bring much innovation to game design, as well as practical ways to use the console on a daily basis. In know high sales figures paired with more familiar controls will bring more third party games. I know the MiiVerse will be the ultimate gaming social network. I know that by the time Sony and Microsoft announce new hardware, WiiU will already have dominated the market, and I now that developers will still continue to develop for the WiiU, 360 and PS3 long after this next generation launches (Did you know game stores still stock Playstation2 software?) It’s going to be an awesome experience, and it’s sad that I’ll have to share it with strangers
instead of my friends. But, oh well, haters gonna hate!

My lawn, and why you should get off it

Greetings my fellow downcast gamers! I know I have been away for a while, but I only did it so you would appreciate me more when I came back! Right! Let’s do some blogging!

First, quick update, I owe you a handful of reviews for some new games I’ve gotten since I last posted here, namely Mario Kart 7, Super Mario 3D Land, Pushmo and VVVVVV for the 3DS. I also want to write a bit about Star Wars: The Old Republic for the PC. So if you’re interested in any of these games I suggest you subscribe to the RSS.

Right now I just want to go on a little rant that started as a conversation and almost ended in an Internet argument. I’m well aware those are pointless, though, so don’t worry, but an important point came up that I’d like to bring here: People harassing those playing with their 3DS in public. I’ve heard it from others and it’s happened to me. Those snarky comments “oooh aren’t those for babies” “myeh did you steal your kid’s toy” and “I’m stupid” among others. They're practically forcing us DS enthusiasts to only play in private.

I wonder, why do people get the impression Nintendo games are infantile? Why will the “hardcore gamers” (AGAIN WITH THE HARDCORE GAMERS! …I know) instantly discredit any Nintendo console? I have a hypothesis.

When I was in sixth grade, all my classmates, including me, would swear like a sailor that just stubbed his toe, thinking it was the “mature” thing to do. I don’t swear a lot now, especially not in my native tongue. I find it immature and unnecessary (unless I stub my toe). Then everybody would talk about the horror movies they saw the night before, and mock those not interested. I was one of them. I have never found it appealing to watch others suffer, even in fiction.

When I started college, I remember most kids my age would pick up smoking and heavy drinking as soon as they legally could. Possibly thinking it was the mature thing to do. Many also picked up promiscuity.

It is human nature that the kids will want to do what they think older people do. That’s how we grow. The problem is when they get a wrong impression and start doing stupid things. One day one of my sixth grade teachers stopped me in the middle of the hall and taught me the meaning of a word I had been using at random intervals. That’s when I realized I was not acting like a grown up.

Video games today have become very complex works of art. The bleeps and blorps that amused me as a kid have turned into voice acting. The pixelated villains that would blink out of existence once knocked out have become realistic thugs that bleed all over the place. Games have grown with us, and our children have seen this, and they see this as adult behavior. They crave these deep storylines, the competitiveness, the thrill of the kill. Things kids don’t understand, because the game was not meant for them in the first place.

On the other hand we have the old gamer. The Nintendo generation is now in their early thirties. To us Mario is what Mickey Mouse is to our parents (it was never considered immature for an adult to own a Mickey Mouse watch). This generation is facing hard times, economically. That paired with starting to raise kids of our own.

This generation is split in two. We crave these new generation of games because, well, they’re freaking awesome. But we also want to revive the good old days. That’s when Nintendo comes in. For the last few years Nintendo has made a business out of making family oriented games, casual games, and milking their old franchises as much as they can. Can’t you see? They’re making games for adults!

Nintendo knows these principles about their target audience: we love Mario, Link and Samus, we wish our kids knew about them, we barely have time to play, and we’re broke. This is why they’ve kept such a tight grip on the handheld market. They’re feeding us Mario games in cheap, portable packages!

And they’re just getting started! Have you taken a look at Super Mario 3D land? The game is a love letter to the Nintendo Generation! First, it plays like a 3D game would play when I imagined it as a kid. Second, they’ve crammed the game with obscure retro references people under 20 will miss. And finally, they’ve ramped down the difficulty level so we can share with our kids, and then snuck in some super hard challenges because that's what retro games are all about.

Virtual console, casual puzzlers, and big budget Nintendo games. It fits in my pocket and I can play it on the train or during my lunch break because I don’t have time to play consoles anymore. It has family oriented material I can share with my kids, and the cutesy art direction serves as a palate cleanser after spending a day watching people do horrible things to each other. No, this is not a kid’s toy. This is entertainment for the discerning adult.

How Nintendo can take back the smartphone's market share.

I keep finding articles all over the internet about how the Nintendo 3DS and the PlayStation Vita will be utter failures simply because people already have gaming-capable smartphones in their pockets. Of course I have written about this more than once, and to summarize, I simply don’t think it’s true.

"I think it's very similar between cell phone cameras and professional digital cameras [DSLRs]. You don't use a Smartphone camera for an interview, and you don't use a really professional camera to take some small pictures when you're going to work," - Mega Man co-creator and ex-Capcom head of production Keiji Inafune

Recently, though, I had an idea that may give Nintendo an edge against the constant barrage of disposable games smartphone users tend to compare real video games. What if Nintendo starts repackaging some of their older classic games as cheap minigames? I came to this realization as I played Balloon Fight on Balloon Trip mode. I thought it resembled some very popular flash games, and might as well be their predecessor (no, I don’t know how old the “helicopter game” is).

Balloon Trip: an Existential Journey from Sir Cucumber on Vimeo.

With a very small budget they could re-make any game (or part of it) with high-resolution sprites, backgrounds and menus. Leave the retro sounds and music intact (everybody loves chiptunes!) and slap on a catchy acronym for a suffix (not “3D”, please). Instead of hosting a costly online leaderboard, let players exchange high scores over streetpass. Finally, make sure the game doesn’t have many menus or game modes; just a splash screen and then some action. When you’re done, toss a few of these games at your customers over spotpass every once in a while!

If players knew they would find a little gift-wrapped icon in their menu every once in a while with games that not only are addictive and simple, but are free, they would keep their Wi-Fi on all the time, thus providing valuable data that Nintendo could use and keeping their systems updated to prevent piracy.

If investors think gamers want cheap games above all else, then give them to us so the investors can continue to support the system and developers can continue to make quality games.

So, what will it be? A generic helicopter game or Balloon Trip SX? Fruit Ninja or Duck Hunt WZ? Wrecking Crew BT anyone? Aw yeah!

Open letter to Nintendo regarding the 3DS

Dear Nintendo:

It has been almost 6 months since the Nintendo 3DS was released and even though I am very happy with my system, it seems the public perception is different. And even though you went as far as to announce a price drop on a system that is nowhere near obsolescence to change that notion... Well, I worry. Let me tell you why.

If I had it my way I'd buy every console and every game for it, then I'd wipe my butt with any title that was anything short of perfect, just like they do in video game magazines. But that is not the case. Before I buy a game I have to know if I like it first, because otherwise it's wasted money. When it comes to hardware, I like to research it thoroughly, but I also get a feeling I must buy it as close to launch as possible in order to get the most time out of it.

I have not been this hyped about a video game system since the days of the Dreamcast, and we all know what happened to it; it was discontinued in 2 years. The reason I liked it was because of all the innovations it had made, just like with the 3DS. Now, I know what killed the DC was mostly piracy, but I can't stop feeling that the world simply wasn't ready its awesomeness. Thus, an entirely pathological fear that the 3DS might fail simply because the consumers will reject it's not what they're used to.

Now, when the rumors started popping up before launch that the 3D effect would give users headaches (or make their heads explode if they are under 18) I really started to freak out. Bad news travel faster than good news, so you made a huge gamble with the 3D if they knew there would be anything "not good" about it. I wondered: if you took such a risk, you must have one helluva plan! Yeah, you have an ace up their sleeve. I mean c'mon, you started out as a playing card manufacturer, right?

Hardware-wise, one thing that had me very excited was the fact that the 3DS would be the first commercially available 3D camera. I'm not really a camera guy, but you had the market for yourselves. You could have sold the system as a 3D camera with social network integration and that alone would sell 3DS systems to non-gamers, but you didn't. Now there's a dedicated 3d camera out there, plus a phone with a 3d camera. So unless you can figure out a way to hand out 3DS systems for free in exchange for a 2 year contract, smartphones that cost thrice as much will still be considered cheaper. Now not only is there a competition, they've got us beat both in price and picture quality. First missed opportunity.

When the web browser was released it was a huge disappointment for me. To me the DSi browser was perfect and at times more comfortable to use than even my PC. I couldn't wait to see what they would do with a higher resolution screen. What did they do? They changed the whole thing. It sucks now.

Now, on the software side, I thought the system would definitely outperform your previous handhelds thanks to the increased third party support. The old DS had a worse line-up at launch and it sold like hotcakes (remember how they made fun of how it had two screens?) eventually! As a matter of fact, when I learned that there would be no mandatory Mario game at launch, I thought that maybe you were purposely letting third party developers have this shelf space to increase their trust or something. The promised launch line-up was certainly impressive, but it has been months already and only a handful of good games are available, most of them direct ports of old games. Good games, but old. Way to play it safe, Nintendo!

Is the complexity of the system keeping developers away? Back in the day, when a new system was released, developers only needed to make more detailed graphics in order to move to the next generation. Could it be that designing for 3D displays is that much harder? Are they totally stumped by the whole "streetpass" concept? I seriously just don't get it. Developers should be over the 3DS like a giant turtle/dragon over a princess. And your people should be hard at work enticing developers to hop on board.

Then the e-shop was released and with it a ray of hope. But week after week you kept releasing only DSi games; with the exception of a few emulated Game Boy titles or 3D classics (more ports, UGH!). Playing retro games is one thing, but I don't see the appeal of playing a low-res DSi game stretched to fit the 3DS screen.

Now, going back to the first paragraph; I am very satisfied with my system. I own three awesome games for it and I've got more than enough play time left in them to last until the next killer app comes out. Not to mention two or three games currently available that I want. In the meantime I can also play my old DS games, ExiteBike 3D, those 20 games I will be getting as part of the ambassador program or go back to the preinstalled software.

Whenever I hear someone complain about the poor selection of games available I just want to smack 'em on the back of the head. This is what happens when people that get paid to play games tell the people that have to pay for the games what they should like. Sure, the average videogame magazine editor burns through 10 games a day, but what about the consumer? A good game, in average, takes about a month to beat, not counting any replay value it may have. According to Metacritic, right now there are six 3DS games with ratings ranging from “generally favorable” to “Universally acclaimed”. So there you have it: one “killer app” per month, if played at an average human pace. Then there are all the other games that got OK reviews; only five were found “generally unfavorable” or below, so I’m sure there’s something there for everyone.

More than once have I heard that the system's competition is smartphones. I don't see how anyone would compare a dedicated gaming system to a Swiss-army peripheral that only handles mediocre games; to me it would be like comparing a formula 1 racecar to a hybrid SUV. They both have their places, and while the SUV will be less expensive and more practical in most cases, if you want to race, the choice is clear.

The last time Iwata San tried to warn the world about how disposable $0.99 games would devaluate mobile games, nobody listened. Now people are talking about the death of dedicated handheld gaming platforms.

In my opinion, what you need to do is to continue pushing this message. People need to be shown, not told, the "Wal-Mart effect" these crap games are having. They need to understand that if they continue to buy disposable games then real games will simply stop being made. You need to put ads on the air addressing this directly. But you can't have a man in a suit deliver the message, nobody liked it when you did that the last time. Instead deliver the message from the gamer's point of view.

On the other hand you need to make players realize you do have options for simple, low cost games that don't come off as "cheap". Show the world this e-shop you have! You need to get these minigames on TV as well. You need to have retailers put prepaid e-shop cards next to the 3DS games shelf. Have game-specific cards for sale at retail, only to give the games visibility.

Third, the 3DS e-shop needs more quality games. You need to start making some genuine first-party offerings on this platform. Make high-res versions of top-selling DS games available on the e-shop. Make new first-party IP and try to secure 3D versions of popular smartphone games. We need an “Angry Birds” killer there! Get in the game!

And finally, you need to lower the prices on all platforms. Retail games should be at most $30, and e-shop titles could drop a buck or two, specially outdated DSi ware games. Just don't drop 'em all the way down to "dirt cheap". This would be counter-productive on the devaluation argument, but all games have their prices lowered eventually, so I don't see why downloadable games can't.

Once more, I am happy with my 3DS and I still recommend it, even more so now that it's cheaper. Sure, I felt ripped off when I first heard of the price drop, but today I feel it's a good thing (even without the Ambassador Program bonuses) because I understand that I won't see the system's true potential if it doesn't sell well. But not everybody sees it this way, and you need to work on that.

Sincerely:
Your greatest fanboy

Hey! Listen! Leave Navi alone!

"Fly, Navi, fly! The fate of the forest, nay, the world, depends upon thee!" - The Deku Tree

When I first saw The Legend of Zelda, one of the things that most impressed me was Navi. You see, I believed they had changed the way games would be made that day. They had figured a way to make a "living, breathing" cursor that helped you navigate a 3D world. It wasn't a dumb arrow, a blinking highlight or such. It wouldn't beep, or even halt the game with a text message to catch your attention; instead you'd get a cheerful "HEY!"

After that game I expected game creators to resort to more in-game resources to point the player in the right direction so the storytelling could flow. I daydreamed about the day one of the members in your party in a JRPG would point and say "maybe we should check that out". Instead we got stuck looking at cursors, arrows, HUDs, life gauges…

I'm pretty sure Miyamoto and his team were also enamored with the whole Navi concept. For the first five minutes of the game you'd think she was the protagonist! The scene in which she zips through the forest with her own catchy theme playing in the background, dodging kokiris here and there, only to bump into a fence! The way she shakes it off and continues on her quest to save the world. She HAD to find the boy… the boy with no fairy. I guess it missed its mark with the rest of mankind, but to me she was established as an important character for the remainder of the game. Not just a cursor.

Whenever she went "hey!" I knew there was something I should watch out for, and eventually she became white noise just like every other sound effect in the game, just like the gazillion footsteps, Link's fierce war cry every time he swings his sword or rolls (HHYYYYAAAAAAHHH!!!!!) or the horrible warning you get when running low on hearts (on every single Zelda game). But still, a human voice is always a thousand times more pleasing to the ear than a random chime.

Why is it, then, that Navi gets so much hate? Nobody ever bashes Link's overacting. The answer is simple; it's just another internet meme that refuses to die. I'm pretty sure someone thought it'd be funny to post a video of her repeating her famous line over and over, then some idiot who had never played the game listened to it, reached the conclusion that Navi is annoying, and decided to forward it to his friends, who in turn started remixing the sound. Before you know it everybody hates Navy out of peer pressure. Do you even remember what the game is like? She never goes off on a loop like that! Lies, all lies!

If you're going to let the internet brainwash you, let Downcast do it. I'd never steer your wrong! Now fly! Buy yourself a Nintendo 3DS and a copy of Ocarina of Time 3D! Then come back in a week or two when I will have an in-depth review of the game, even though everybody knows it's awesome already! Go!