Facebook killed the video game star

Hoo boy. It seems like the topic of "hardcore" versus "casual" gaming and social network games has been brought back from the dead. Didn't I already end this conflict with my Undeniable Logic™? Geez! Looks like someone hasn't been reading my blog!

For those of you that have been living under a rock (and for the hyperlink impaired), it all started when Nintendo's CEO, Satoru Iwata included a strong critique of such games in his keynote speech at the GDC2011. One would assume he was trying to persuade game developers not to give up on "real" games to focus on games with less "value" or "content", manly social network games or iPhone games because of the increased cost/effort/profit ratio.

If you ask me, I definitely see his point. Here you have powerful corporations investing millions to put out the latest in videogame systems, only to have all the talented game developers make another Angry Birds (or as Iwata would say: "Angry Verse") clone. From his point of view (based on sales figures, mostly), this is a bad thing. And I don't want bad things to happen to Nintendo.

From my point of view, Social network games are the ultimate evil, but that is mostly because of their questionable ethics. Smartphone games are not a serious threat from where I stand, mainly because I do not own a smartphone. But even if I did, I'd only get free games as a novelty.

Anyhow, before the riots begin, I come with a series of proposals to end this debacle; because I'm awesome like that. But it's not going to be pretty.

During a discussion in an online forum I frequent, someone mentioned the possibility great games suddenly turning into Farmville's would be like books turning into comics.

So I thought this would be a great analogy. There are many kinds of media based on print. Hardcovers, paperbacks, newspapers, magazines, comic books… and these different formats are divided by sub-formats, then genres and subgenres.

Up until today, Farmville, World of Warcraft, Angry Birds, Tetris and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time would all be placed in together on the "Video Games" shelf (oh, the blasphemy!). And if at any rate the games are separated, it's by platform. PlayStation games are put on a shelf right next to the Wii games… both on the Video Games section.

The only problem is that in the end they are all called "video games", and they're still compared to each other on an equal scale.

The concept has grown too big, but yet the people who create these pieces of art, and the people who consume them, are expected to wrap themselves around it.

The video games industry should really look into the printing industry for ideas as of how to make clear divisions between the different platforms and genres, and how to make each of them individually respected as a genuine form of art. And I think they should start by stopping the use of the term "video game".

Here's my proposal, first, "Video" no longer our universal format:

• Console Game
  
• Handheld Game
  
• Smartphone Game
  
• Social Network Game
  
• Web-based Game
  

Second, "game" is no longer the universal genre:

• Console Action/Platformer
  
• Handheld Puzzle/RPG
  
• Smartphone RTS
  
• Social Network Farming Simulator
  
• Web-based Fighter
  

Sure, the industry is going to have to come up with catchier, more marketable terms, but other than that I think the problem is mostly solved. I'm aware the boundaries between these platforms and genres are quite blurred, the same applies to print, and you can still find what you're looking for in a bookstore after all these centuries.

I know it's sad. But I'm afraid there is no other way. From this point on, developers would specialize in one or a few of these entirely separate concepts. Kids would walk up to their mothers and say "Mom, when I grow up I want to be an RPG designer!" FPS jocks would drop the "gamer" façade, face the fact that all they care for is First Person Shooters, and leave us Puzzlers alone. If a really stupid game comes out for the iPhone, it would not stain the PlayStation's reputation…

…From this point on, When Nintendo dedicates millions of dollars to designing a new gaming platform; their CEO will already have an idea of what developers are working on and what the public is consuming. From this point on, anyone who's serious about gaming can completely disregard the existence of Farmville.

Review: Dance Central

Yesterday I had the chance to try (for a few hours) another one of Kinect's flagship titles, Dance Central. Now, I've already about written my opinion on this whole Kinect business, and before I go on, I'll say my opinion remains unchanged; Kinect is stupid.

Now that I've made myself clear, let me tell you, Dance Central was LOTS of fun, and I hate dancing. If I had the money, I'd buy this game (and an Xbox360… and a Kinect, I guess…) right away. The game has a very neat selection of music with songs of most danceable genres from the 70s up to recent hits. Besides that, the dance moves, themselves, were fun. I always played on easy mode, but I suspect even on harder modes there won't be any moves that'll require you to be a professional dancer or gymnast. The graphics were pretty, the menus intuitive. And well… That's it, there isn't much to say, I mean, c'mon, it's just a dance game. I don't think it is possible to lose at that game, though. Your performance is always perfect, OK, or something in between.

I also found navigating the menus a lot better. That the horrid Kinect Adventures. Rather than having you awkwardly reach for the mirror reflection of a button, you just extend your right arm. Point it upwards or downwards to scroll, and swipe left to accept. Swiping your left arm cancels the selection.

Now, you may be wondering how is it that I enjoyed the game so much even when I hate Kinect. Ah, well, it's simple. With Dance Central, you kind of forget the Kinect is (mis)reading your movements. You're having too much fun flailing and gyrating to reverse-engineer it. I did observe it, and I reckon the miss/hit ratio is around 3 out of 10. Meaning, three out of ten times, you'll just flail and it'll still acknowledge that as a successful move. So as long as you keep dancing to the catchy beat you should get a decent score.

Instead of forcing an avatar to mimic your movements, the game features pre-designed characters with different costumes and even voice acting performing a flawless choreography. Little icons, or flags, come up to tell you wish move comes next, and the only indicator you're doing wrong is that sometimes the character's arms, legs or hips are highlighted in red. A small "mirror" shows your silhouette making an ass out of itself. The whole thing is on rails, so if you fail, it's not as if you missed dodging a missile. You do your little jig one step at a time and in about half a second, it adds the corresponding points to your score, accompanied by a comment by the announcer and a flashy visual effect. How much flair depends on how close you were to the dummy, but you never really fail. It is because of this repetitive and predictive dynamic, that Kinect's slow response does not affect your enjoyment of the game.

In conclusion, the game is good. Get it of you can, and definitely play it with friends. Just be aware that the Kinect peripheral is going to be useless for any other kind of game.

Diskinect

As a professional video game journalist, I like to keep my promise of "the hottest trends in videogames as soon as they become available to me" to my loyal readers. This time, though, I went a little out of my way to get you the scoop on the latest in video-game technology. Yes, I WENT to Best Buy and gave the Kinect on display a try. I even took a small focus group (my kids) with me.

Just in case you live under a rock (that would explain you reading this blog); the Kinect promises to abolish controllers by having a camera interpret your movements.

If I were to describe our experience with the system with one word, it would be FRUSTRATING (in all caps). The smaller kids had no idea what was going on and we had to constantly shout instructions from the sidelines. The oldest knew what was going on thanks to the system's constant nagging: "Stand back" "move left" "move forward" "clean your room" "eat your vegetables". The system constantly reminds you that it's YOU that has to adjust to IT. In the end the kids and I were frustrated because we kept "losing" regardless of how hard we tried, simply because the avatars took their sweet time before deciding to follow our commands.

To be fair we only tried one game, Kinect Adventures. However, this is the pack-in game for the device; I can judge the system based on this one game's performance alone. Pack-in games should be the standard for a piece of hardware. Much like Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt, this software was developed together with the hardware and should fully take advantage of every feature.

I keep reading that "it takes a while to get used to the controls" on most reviews, and it's probably a good way to describe it. I mean, it would also take a while to get used to being raped by an elephant. You just have to relax and embrace the pain until your body becomes numb! So, are you going to let Microsoft shove a lascivious pachyderm into your living room and tell you to like it?

Sure, jumping around and swinging at the TV is fun, but that's because of the novelty of the whole situation, and because, DUH, you're freaking jumping around! Whee! Eventually you realize that all the fun is taking place on your side of the screen and the game is trying to keep up, and failing.

Remember buttons? What was the response time on those things, a millisecond? How did our grandparents manage? OMG I'm so glad I live in the future, where there's Kinect! The game has a one (1) second lag between what you do and what your avatar actually does. Say "one Mississippi" out loud; that's how long it takes for your "guy" to swing at that ball, and they expect you to get used to this. I read someone mention some players may have troubling adjusting to the "timing based" controls. I suppose one could eventually, subconsciously, begin moving ahead of time to anticipate for the lag, just as long as they keep making games in which things come at you… ever… so… slowly…

Just when things are starting to get interesting, a sign takes 15% of your screen to warn you that you're getting too close… or too far… or that maybe you're having too much fun. Then there's also the fact that your living room may not be large enough for it, or that it may not like the color of your walls or what you're wearing.

To add insult to injury, when you're done (more like when it's done with you) you're shown a couple pictures how much you look like a total assclown, flailing and jumping in the middle of a living room with a clueless look on your face.

Even though the Kinect is supposed to have an excellent voice recognition system, they opted to have you "reach" for on-screen buttons to navigate the menus. Again you find yourself looking like an assclown, reaching for something that doesn't exist, with no clue as of where it is in relation to you. Instead you have to rely on your "reflection" on the screen. Just when you can't stretch and tiptoe enough and kind of stumble forward, then it expects you to hold the pose for a second to interpret it as a click.

Going back to the Virtual Reality games of old; I must admit that I've always thought it'd be stupid playing videogames with absolutely NO tactile feedback. I felt it'd be awkward. At least with a controller, you feel something in your hand. You push the button and you know how far it can go. You know the pressing of the button stands for the action and its imminent consequences. You press A to jump, then you watch as the plumber goes up and eventually down into an endless abyss or onto a helpless goomba. When I heard of the Kinect I thought all my questions would finally be answered. If you played a kung fu game, and you threw a fist, what would your character do when you hit? Would the fist keep going through its foe's body, ignoring the excess force? Would it keep pushing forward in complete disregard for the laws of physics, sending the polygonal dummy into orbit? If you play a driving game, how does the game know how far have you pushed the pedal? How would you know? How high do you have to lift your leg to make sure you're not stepping on the gas still? Looks like I still have to wait for a few more decades for my answers. I'm disappointed with the "future of video games".

In conclusion, the system has great potential and I'm pretty sure it'll get better. What bothers me is that it is simply not ready for the market, and instead of fixing it, Microsoft is somehow convincing the media (hence the consumers) that they should deal with it and learn to love it. This concept is fairly new and is still evolving, and I'm sure in a few years Microsoft may iron out the wrinkles and make the experience as life-altering as they claim, right out of the box. In the meantime, treat this game like a novelty arcade machine; play it at someone else's place until the novelty wears off.

DSiWare: Cheap Gaming FTW

Recently, because of a very busy schedule (being a successful blogger and all) the DSi has been my prime source of gaming and general entertainment (well, then there’s my iPod too). One day I was playing Sudoku via DSiCade (a DSi-web-browser game site) and though it sure is a good time killer and doing it on paper sucks, I thought maybe I should buy a copy for the DSi that didn’t depend on a Wi-Fi connection (not very portable now, is it?).

Luckily for me I was given $20 as a gift a few days later and I decided I was going to splurge and spend it all on videogames. Now, if you spent $70 on your latest game, please don’t jump out the window. I’m talking about DSiWare, downloadable games for the Nintendo DSi.

I browsed through their “store” a few times and made a “shopping list” of items I could get for a total of 2000 points ($20). On the Nintendo DSi shop they organize their games by price, that being: Free, 200, 500 and 800+. On the free section so far they only have the DSi Browser and Flipnote studio and there aren’t any games worth more than 800 in the 800+ section, so the math is very simple. I decided I’d get 2 500s and 5 200s. The 800 point games look like they’re trying too hard not to be “softcore”, and well, there is no such thing as an eight dollar hardcore game.

More specifically my choices were:

• Puzzle League express: A puzzle game formerly released for the DS. I recalled playing the demo before and I figured it was quite a bargain to get it for $5.
• Bookworm: Classic word-finding game I had played on PC. Again, a bargain for five bucks.
• EA’s Sudoku: There are about 1000 Sudoku games in the DSi store, but this is the only one that included all levels of difficulty for 200 points. El cheapo!
• Touch Solitaire: This one was the opposite as Sudoku, other games for the same price had more features, but this one is a first-party title.
• Mario Calculator: More of an app than a game, for those times I find myself reaching for a calculator. Also, it’s got classic 8-bit Mario! Yeah!
• Mario Clock: See Mario Calculator. A bit more useful as it has an alarm and promised to include some level of 8-bit Mario playability.
• Spotto!: I had 200 points left and went for this one. Game play looked OK and it’s also a first-party game.

And now the verdict!

• Puzzle League Express: Very generic puzzler, pretty good background graphics and music, although the bricks and their animations are extremely lacking. The game play is extremely simple to the point it only becomes challenging when it starts moving ridiculously fast. You can try to arrange some combos and stuff, but the result isn’t satisfying enough to risk filling your screen with bricks.
• Bookworm: Plays just like the PC game, the touch controls make it even better… but somehow this is the one I play the least, it kinda gets boring. I also find it irritating how it doesn’t allow different player profiles. I share my DSi with my whole family, and having someone quit your game sucks hard.
• EA’s Sudoku: Works like it promised. A bit too easy, though, especially if you lean on the error checker. Turn the music off, it’s a 4-second loop I kid you not. When the puzzles start getting easy you can input puzzles from a newspaper or Sudoku book. I finally broke out this book I had that had ridiculously tough puzzles, one of them took me 64 hours WITH the error checker on! This implies the game auto-saves and you can pick it up later.
• Touch Solitaire: Just what I needed! A game you can pick up and let go just like that. The interface is ridiculously clean, music is null except for a few jazzy fanfare-y bits and it keeps a time, volume and battery power display on top. More games should do this.
• Mario Calculator: Easy to sue, neat old-school graphics, an occasional Easter egg and a unit converter that even converts age (as in, dog years to hamster years).
• Mario Clock: Whenever I plug the DSi unit in to charge, I leave the clock on. It features a “screen saver” not unlike the Mario-themed visualization. Mario will walk forever and there won’t be any obstacles on his way. You can press B to jump or A to speed up in order to catch coins and power up mushrooms. After you grab enough coins it unlocks a different “level”. The level changes every 15 minutes or so. On the hour Mario will reach the castle, the fanfare will play and fireworks will announce the hour (8 explosions at 8 o clock). Pretty neat for a clock.
• Spotto!: Ah, Spotto, you crazy bomb chucking duck! It’s like one of those old school 2D artillery simulators in which you aim and shoot, but feels more like shooting hoops as the bombs are thrown instead of shot, bounce and you’re expected to use ghost’s mouths for baskets. The cuteness is way off and as you play you unlock more difficulty levels. Kids love it. Not bad for 2 bucks.

I find it disappointing that I find myself playing the 200 point games more than the 500s, but maybe it was because of my specific choices? I definitely plan on buying more, I’ll keep you posted.

Guinness World Records: The Videogame

You know those crappy licensed shovelware games you see in the video games isle? They put pictures of popular cartoons in the cover to catch the clueless relative's eye, and then they see the price tag and BAM. Sold. That is their whole marketing strategy, and it works.

They work so well that a close relative, who I’ve warned about these on several occasions, got Guinness World Records: The Videogame for my kids this Christmas. Although I understand the poor variety when purchasing gifts in Christmas eve, plus spending a whole lot of dough on extra controllers, nunchucks and motion-plus-es can somewhat justify this decision.

However, a Wii Points card would've been a far better choice. I failed to mention that to her as an alternative. I SO want Bit.Trip!

Anyways, on the subject of this rant: GWR:TV. When we first played it, we all got a very bad impression. I put down the Wii-mote and went to the Interwebs to see what I could find about it. What I found was disturbing, it had gotten decent ratings from most magazines and gaming sites! According to them the minigames were fun.

So I went and played it again, thinking, maybe I was a bit biased by the fact that it’s clearly shovelware just by looking at the box. Or maybe I was judging the game by the completely ambiguous menus and interface. I navigated through the game menus by trial and error and fired up one or two games. I was decided not to let the use of hideous avatars in a system that has an excellent built-in avatar system (They’re called Miis) cloud my vision of what could be an awesome game. The horrible announcer (Ben Stein would’ve been better) was constantly muffled by the constant groans of my kids when they clicked something expecting this and that happened, this was more often that I expected thanks to the fact that all cursors look alike. Maybe they should’ve taken a clue from the Wii’s system menu, in which every cursor (hand) is clearly numbered. To this point I’m still not sure how the player select screen works, does the system assign the avatar to the controller that clicks it or are they assigned in order they are chosen? I swear it was either way every time I tried. I totally don’t get it why they have to be so creative when half the game has been built for them already.

First we played “Highest Videogame score”. It was an OK Geometry Wars-ish shooter. Then it was “longest nails”. Gross. You get to follow the “nail” with your cursor and if you wander too far it breaks. It was actually fun. Creepy, disturbing family time fun. Then a few more but those were crap, either the concept was stupid, the controls were awkward or it was boring. Keep in mind none of these games are coo-op or VS. You have to take turns. Kids love that. After all players have taken their turns player one goes back on again. You never get a sense of “Yay! We’re done playing this one!” Instead you have to “cancel” out of the game, which can be done at any point, perfect for quitting halfway through and leaving the middle-child out. That way he’ll hate you all when he grows up. He will kill you and stay in your home living off your social security checks.

There is a sense of competition in which at the end of a “session” the one with the best record gets to be on the spotlight (literally). No “You win!” Instead you are treated to a scene of your nasty butt-ass-ugly avatar breakdancing. I wish I hadn’t won.

In conclusion (because it can be hard to read sarcasm) the game sucks. It starts sucking the moment you turn it on and the suckage is so great you will not get to the “game” part. And if you do, it’s not worth all the suck. If you want a 10 dollar game, there’s plenty in the Wii shop channel. Good games. Avoid this crap, no matter what IGN or any of those gaming sites say. They have played so many games the crap ones start to outweigh the good ones within what constitutes a “decent game”. I mean if this game gets a 7, it means there’s a whole lot of games that are 6 times worse out there! The thought alone is scary. Also they don’t pay for these games, so the “I got ripped off” factor is not there. In my world, if I'd rather play Wii Sports, the game is a waste of money.

Allright, I’m off to play Wii Sports Resort Bowling with the kids. Good times.

In your Face

Yo, listen up everybody. Facebook is NOT a gaming platform!

Honestly, guys, there are WAY better games out there! Stop this madness! I mean, sure, some of the games in Facebook can be a little fun, and the social aspect to them is pretty neat and addicting, but the whole thing has gotten out of hand!

This morning I got a "friend suggestion" from FB and decided to click the "see all" link, because at times that's how I find people I've forgotten about. What do I get? A long list of random people! And I know these are people who my friends have befriended only to have more energy on Mafia Wars or more coins on Yoville. I just know.

WHY ON EARTH would you have a stranger as a friend only for Yoville coins? This random guy from halfway across the globe will now have access to your baby pictures! Even if you carefully set all your privacy settings (or make an entirely fake profile), this person will have some sort of access to your profile, but just being "linked" to you I find disturbing.

What's even worse is when people stop using these social networks for, well, socializing, and just play these silly games. I have a couple friends that won't answer my messages or update their status, but I have to constantly "hide" the crap these applications post on their walls! Then there's the fact that sometimes it's THEM posting, not just the application, and some friends I care too much about to "hide" entirely.

All of these games have crappy graphics and little or no playability, some aren't even games. The only "fun" part is sharing with your friends and you're defeating the purpose by sharing it with strangers! And no, you will never get to know this person, you're not making friends.

When I first got into FB I tried playing Yoville only because everyone else was doing it and I figured it must be fun. I blocked the application by the time I knew what it was about. Then it was FarmTown (or was it FarmVille? same crap). I thought it'd be fun since I've always been a fan of the Harvest Moon series. I played for a few minutes and blocked the application. Slow, choppy animations, butt-ugly avatars and this game-mechanic that's obviously designed to spread like a virus: you only advance by recruiting others and logging back on at set periods of time or else you "lose" points or energy or coins or whatever. This logic is used in other web games, but when combined with social networks it becomes lethal. Last one I tried was Battle Stations, which promised to be more fun as it featured console-RPG-ish battle sequences and PVP gameplay. In the end it's the same concept with a different GUI.

So (based on this trend) here's a step-by-step review of every other Facebook game ever:

1. You make a butt-ass-ugly avatar
2. You note there is no "winning" or "losing" in this game, still you refer to it as a "game"
3. You gather resources/amass wealth/dress up real pretty/level up
4. You are told if you invite your friends you will get free gifts/more energy/cuter clothes/coins
5. You invite your friends
6. You realize you don't have enough friends
7. You begin to hate the friends that don't join your neighborhood/crew/kitchen/gang/army
8. You do some strategic googling
9. You join the "-=GET 10000 energy per hour JOIN to find out how - IT WORKS!=-" group on FB and befriend all the members
10. You start ignoring posts from family and friends as you quickly scan your wall for fish/cakes/ammo
11. You realize one of your fake friends is a pedophile
12. You realize all your efforts are still not enough and whip out your credit card for some easy coins/energy/rare items/cows
13. You run out of energy and set a timer to come play again when it's restored
14. Repeat from step 3

If you want to play cool games on your computer go to Newgrounds and check out the near infinite amount of awesome games they got that do not require you to recruit friends or get addicted. There are several such pages, just Google them up.

Here's a quick list of specific games you might wanna try:

• Tuper Tario Tros., an excellent Super Mario Bros/Tetris mash-up
• Chronotron an interesting puzzler in which you manipulate time
• First Person Tetris, Tetris to the EXTREME
• Spy Battle 2165, an addicting game that does not rely on FB

I'm stumped at the moment but these should keep you busy. Just... stay away from these FB "games"!