My lawn, and why you should get off it

Greetings my fellow downcast gamers! I know I have been away for a while, but I only did it so you would appreciate me more when I came back! Right! Let’s do some blogging!

First, quick update, I owe you a handful of reviews for some new games I’ve gotten since I last posted here, namely Mario Kart 7, Super Mario 3D Land, Pushmo and VVVVVV for the 3DS. I also want to write a bit about Star Wars: The Old Republic for the PC. So if you’re interested in any of these games I suggest you subscribe to the RSS.

Right now I just want to go on a little rant that started as a conversation and almost ended in an Internet argument. I’m well aware those are pointless, though, so don’t worry, but an important point came up that I’d like to bring here: People harassing those playing with their 3DS in public. I’ve heard it from others and it’s happened to me. Those snarky comments “oooh aren’t those for babies” “myeh did you steal your kid’s toy” and “I’m stupid” among others. They're practically forcing us DS enthusiasts to only play in private.

I wonder, why do people get the impression Nintendo games are infantile? Why will the “hardcore gamers” (AGAIN WITH THE HARDCORE GAMERS! …I know) instantly discredit any Nintendo console? I have a hypothesis.

When I was in sixth grade, all my classmates, including me, would swear like a sailor that just stubbed his toe, thinking it was the “mature” thing to do. I don’t swear a lot now, especially not in my native tongue. I find it immature and unnecessary (unless I stub my toe). Then everybody would talk about the horror movies they saw the night before, and mock those not interested. I was one of them. I have never found it appealing to watch others suffer, even in fiction.

When I started college, I remember most kids my age would pick up smoking and heavy drinking as soon as they legally could. Possibly thinking it was the mature thing to do. Many also picked up promiscuity.

It is human nature that the kids will want to do what they think older people do. That’s how we grow. The problem is when they get a wrong impression and start doing stupid things. One day one of my sixth grade teachers stopped me in the middle of the hall and taught me the meaning of a word I had been using at random intervals. That’s when I realized I was not acting like a grown up.

Video games today have become very complex works of art. The bleeps and blorps that amused me as a kid have turned into voice acting. The pixelated villains that would blink out of existence once knocked out have become realistic thugs that bleed all over the place. Games have grown with us, and our children have seen this, and they see this as adult behavior. They crave these deep storylines, the competitiveness, the thrill of the kill. Things kids don’t understand, because the game was not meant for them in the first place.

On the other hand we have the old gamer. The Nintendo generation is now in their early thirties. To us Mario is what Mickey Mouse is to our parents (it was never considered immature for an adult to own a Mickey Mouse watch). This generation is facing hard times, economically. That paired with starting to raise kids of our own.

This generation is split in two. We crave these new generation of games because, well, they’re freaking awesome. But we also want to revive the good old days. That’s when Nintendo comes in. For the last few years Nintendo has made a business out of making family oriented games, casual games, and milking their old franchises as much as they can. Can’t you see? They’re making games for adults!

Nintendo knows these principles about their target audience: we love Mario, Link and Samus, we wish our kids knew about them, we barely have time to play, and we’re broke. This is why they’ve kept such a tight grip on the handheld market. They’re feeding us Mario games in cheap, portable packages!

And they’re just getting started! Have you taken a look at Super Mario 3D land? The game is a love letter to the Nintendo Generation! First, it plays like a 3D game would play when I imagined it as a kid. Second, they’ve crammed the game with obscure retro references people under 20 will miss. And finally, they’ve ramped down the difficulty level so we can share with our kids, and then snuck in some super hard challenges because that's what retro games are all about.

Virtual console, casual puzzlers, and big budget Nintendo games. It fits in my pocket and I can play it on the train or during my lunch break because I don’t have time to play consoles anymore. It has family oriented material I can share with my kids, and the cutesy art direction serves as a palate cleanser after spending a day watching people do horrible things to each other. No, this is not a kid’s toy. This is entertainment for the discerning adult.

Endgame Review: Nintendogs + cats

I got this coupon in the mail for a discount on a used game, and they didn’t have much used games in store so I grabbed a copy of Nintendogs +cats.

Seriously, though. That was my choice. My reasoning was that I wanted a game I could pick up and put down at random intervals, mainly so I could play at work. My daughter had the original game a few years back and I found playing with the puppies to be quite relaxing.

How do I go about describing this game to you? Well, in layman’s terms it’s a virtual pet. You feed it, bathe it, walk it and play with it, then it gets hungry, thirsty and dirty and you start over again. The game relies on touchscreen controls, as well as the camera and microphone, so in essence you can touch and talk to your puppy, and it can see you and recognize you as well, this makes an ever greater bond between you and the virtual canine (you can also use the pedometer to “walk with your dog”, but the rewards you get aren’t that great and it has the frustrating habit of rounding your steps DOWN by the thousand). I still smile when my pup turns to face me when I call her name, or notices I’m staring. It is all very relaxing, almost therapeutic, and the puppies are just delightful to watch. Nintendo really knows how to exploit the ages-old bond between homo sapiens and canis lupus.

Now, in gamer’s terms… meh, it’s hardly even a game! Everything in the game is so organic I was never certain whether I did something wrong or my puppy was having an attitude with me. Did I lose the race or did the dog lose it? Did I mispronounce the command or was the puppy distracted? This doesn’t ever get to the point of being frustrating – I mean, c’mon, puppies! – But it does make me wonder. You can teach your dog tricks, which is really cute. However, you need to say the commands out loud, which, even if you’re not embarrassed to do in public, isn’t feasible because it won’t hear you over the slightest background noise. Playing outside is the reason I bought a handheld system in the first place! Also, when you first take them for a walk they start off with a lot of bad habits you can gradually break by tugging at the leash and giving them a treat if they settle down, I mention this in the videogame part because you really need to pay attention while on these walks (or else your dog will do horrible things like rolling in puddles, chasing birds, humping your leg and eating roadkill). Not as relaxing as I wanted.

The most game-like portion are the competitions, there’s flying disk, lure chasing and obedience trials. You need to practice with your pup at home and it needs to gradually get better. So no matter how good you are at flicking that disk off your touchscreen, reeling the lure in or how well you enunciate your command, your pup will suck for a while. And when it’s gotten good, sometimes it just fails (again, you never know if the game’s not responding or if your puppy is trolling you). As a reward for winning a competition you are granted access to a more advanced competition, when you beat the last one you get an item your pup can wear, like a cheesy-looking crown or a medal, nothing awesome. This can only motivate you so far.

I also want to discuss the use of AR cards. You can use them to watch your dog and take pictures of it, and if you print an AR card image enlarged to fit a letter-sized page, the dog will be pretty close to the size of a real dog, which is really neat. Too bad you can’t do much with the dog in this game mode. The obedience competitions force you to play in AR mode, so not only do you need a quiet place so your pup can hear your commands; you also need a bright place to place your AR card and plenty of room to move around. I haven’t gotten any far in these competitions simply because it’s such a hassle.

Everything else flows too organically. Progress in general is measured in “trainer points” you gain when you take care of your puppies, which you have to do anyway, so in the end it’s only a matter of time until you start unlocking things, like accessories, toys and more breeds to adopt. In addition your pup will constantly pick up junk on walks that may be recycled and exchanged for rare items (that you unlock with trainer points). I hadn’t even beaten all the competitions and I think I have all the endgame content.

Speaking of endgame content, besides the fact that you get it for practically no effort, it’s not really gratifying. There’s a secret breed that is actually a robot puppy. Now there’s a dog that does everything just like every other breed, but is made of shiny plastic! Great job at holding the suspension of disbelief! Ugh. Besides, it’s ugly. There’s also a sci-fi house that also makes everything look fake. After I spent a fortune on it I went and bought back the default home so it feels more like pets in a house instead of cartoons.

The game puts the StreetPass and SpotPass features to good use. Whenever you tag someone with the game, their mii and pets come over and show up on your game on occasion, you can also share pictures from the game, but since AR pictures are also allowed, gratuitous penis shots are always a possibility. They also send special guests over SpotPass on occasion, normally former US presidents and their pets.

The graphics are amazing and the dogs have great detail, the backgrounds are pretty plain, but get the job done. The menus are very elegant and intuitive, except at the beginning after you choose your first puppy, then you have to wait until it gets used to your house before you can do anything with it. ANYTHING! When I bought the game, before I wiped the save, it had a mangy, dirty dog running around that hadn’t even been named! Apparently the previous owner got tired of waiting for a menu to appear. The sound isn’t great though, some of the breeds’ barks sound like adult dogs instead of puppies, and the Siberian Husky has a weird echo to it. Other sounds like panting, drinking and eating (generic to all breeds including robopup (I know, weird, huh?)) seem to have been captured in a studio using props, and while they do the trick over the speakers, they sound awful on headphones. The music is definitely Nintendo-grade. My biggest issue, though, was battery usage. Apparently since this game constantly uses every single piece of hardware on the handheld (well except the motion sensors), my battery would last, say, about half as much as with other games!

The verdict: Buy the game if you’re into virtual pets, time-wasters, or want to fully exploit every feature the system has to offer. Don’t buy the game if you are expecting challenging gameplay, any kind of rewards, or can’t devote time to it. Also, the game is definitely not for little kids, it requires patience and dedication.

How Nintendo can take back the smartphone's market share.

I keep finding articles all over the internet about how the Nintendo 3DS and the PlayStation Vita will be utter failures simply because people already have gaming-capable smartphones in their pockets. Of course I have written about this more than once, and to summarize, I simply don’t think it’s true.

"I think it's very similar between cell phone cameras and professional digital cameras [DSLRs]. You don't use a Smartphone camera for an interview, and you don't use a really professional camera to take some small pictures when you're going to work," - Mega Man co-creator and ex-Capcom head of production Keiji Inafune

Recently, though, I had an idea that may give Nintendo an edge against the constant barrage of disposable games smartphone users tend to compare real video games. What if Nintendo starts repackaging some of their older classic games as cheap minigames? I came to this realization as I played Balloon Fight on Balloon Trip mode. I thought it resembled some very popular flash games, and might as well be their predecessor (no, I don’t know how old the “helicopter game” is).

Balloon Trip: an Existential Journey from Sir Cucumber on Vimeo.

With a very small budget they could re-make any game (or part of it) with high-resolution sprites, backgrounds and menus. Leave the retro sounds and music intact (everybody loves chiptunes!) and slap on a catchy acronym for a suffix (not “3D”, please). Instead of hosting a costly online leaderboard, let players exchange high scores over streetpass. Finally, make sure the game doesn’t have many menus or game modes; just a splash screen and then some action. When you’re done, toss a few of these games at your customers over spotpass every once in a while!

If players knew they would find a little gift-wrapped icon in their menu every once in a while with games that not only are addictive and simple, but are free, they would keep their Wi-Fi on all the time, thus providing valuable data that Nintendo could use and keeping their systems updated to prevent piracy.

If investors think gamers want cheap games above all else, then give them to us so the investors can continue to support the system and developers can continue to make quality games.

So, what will it be? A generic helicopter game or Balloon Trip SX? Fruit Ninja or Duck Hunt WZ? Wrecking Crew BT anyone? Aw yeah!

Open letter to Nintendo regarding the 3DS

Dear Nintendo:

It has been almost 6 months since the Nintendo 3DS was released and even though I am very happy with my system, it seems the public perception is different. And even though you went as far as to announce a price drop on a system that is nowhere near obsolescence to change that notion... Well, I worry. Let me tell you why.

If I had it my way I'd buy every console and every game for it, then I'd wipe my butt with any title that was anything short of perfect, just like they do in video game magazines. But that is not the case. Before I buy a game I have to know if I like it first, because otherwise it's wasted money. When it comes to hardware, I like to research it thoroughly, but I also get a feeling I must buy it as close to launch as possible in order to get the most time out of it.

I have not been this hyped about a video game system since the days of the Dreamcast, and we all know what happened to it; it was discontinued in 2 years. The reason I liked it was because of all the innovations it had made, just like with the 3DS. Now, I know what killed the DC was mostly piracy, but I can't stop feeling that the world simply wasn't ready its awesomeness. Thus, an entirely pathological fear that the 3DS might fail simply because the consumers will reject it's not what they're used to.

Now, when the rumors started popping up before launch that the 3D effect would give users headaches (or make their heads explode if they are under 18) I really started to freak out. Bad news travel faster than good news, so you made a huge gamble with the 3D if they knew there would be anything "not good" about it. I wondered: if you took such a risk, you must have one helluva plan! Yeah, you have an ace up their sleeve. I mean c'mon, you started out as a playing card manufacturer, right?

Hardware-wise, one thing that had me very excited was the fact that the 3DS would be the first commercially available 3D camera. I'm not really a camera guy, but you had the market for yourselves. You could have sold the system as a 3D camera with social network integration and that alone would sell 3DS systems to non-gamers, but you didn't. Now there's a dedicated 3d camera out there, plus a phone with a 3d camera. So unless you can figure out a way to hand out 3DS systems for free in exchange for a 2 year contract, smartphones that cost thrice as much will still be considered cheaper. Now not only is there a competition, they've got us beat both in price and picture quality. First missed opportunity.

When the web browser was released it was a huge disappointment for me. To me the DSi browser was perfect and at times more comfortable to use than even my PC. I couldn't wait to see what they would do with a higher resolution screen. What did they do? They changed the whole thing. It sucks now.

Now, on the software side, I thought the system would definitely outperform your previous handhelds thanks to the increased third party support. The old DS had a worse line-up at launch and it sold like hotcakes (remember how they made fun of how it had two screens?) eventually! As a matter of fact, when I learned that there would be no mandatory Mario game at launch, I thought that maybe you were purposely letting third party developers have this shelf space to increase their trust or something. The promised launch line-up was certainly impressive, but it has been months already and only a handful of good games are available, most of them direct ports of old games. Good games, but old. Way to play it safe, Nintendo!

Is the complexity of the system keeping developers away? Back in the day, when a new system was released, developers only needed to make more detailed graphics in order to move to the next generation. Could it be that designing for 3D displays is that much harder? Are they totally stumped by the whole "streetpass" concept? I seriously just don't get it. Developers should be over the 3DS like a giant turtle/dragon over a princess. And your people should be hard at work enticing developers to hop on board.

Then the e-shop was released and with it a ray of hope. But week after week you kept releasing only DSi games; with the exception of a few emulated Game Boy titles or 3D classics (more ports, UGH!). Playing retro games is one thing, but I don't see the appeal of playing a low-res DSi game stretched to fit the 3DS screen.

Now, going back to the first paragraph; I am very satisfied with my system. I own three awesome games for it and I've got more than enough play time left in them to last until the next killer app comes out. Not to mention two or three games currently available that I want. In the meantime I can also play my old DS games, ExiteBike 3D, those 20 games I will be getting as part of the ambassador program or go back to the preinstalled software.

Whenever I hear someone complain about the poor selection of games available I just want to smack 'em on the back of the head. This is what happens when people that get paid to play games tell the people that have to pay for the games what they should like. Sure, the average videogame magazine editor burns through 10 games a day, but what about the consumer? A good game, in average, takes about a month to beat, not counting any replay value it may have. According to Metacritic, right now there are six 3DS games with ratings ranging from “generally favorable” to “Universally acclaimed”. So there you have it: one “killer app” per month, if played at an average human pace. Then there are all the other games that got OK reviews; only five were found “generally unfavorable” or below, so I’m sure there’s something there for everyone.

More than once have I heard that the system's competition is smartphones. I don't see how anyone would compare a dedicated gaming system to a Swiss-army peripheral that only handles mediocre games; to me it would be like comparing a formula 1 racecar to a hybrid SUV. They both have their places, and while the SUV will be less expensive and more practical in most cases, if you want to race, the choice is clear.

The last time Iwata San tried to warn the world about how disposable $0.99 games would devaluate mobile games, nobody listened. Now people are talking about the death of dedicated handheld gaming platforms.

In my opinion, what you need to do is to continue pushing this message. People need to be shown, not told, the "Wal-Mart effect" these crap games are having. They need to understand that if they continue to buy disposable games then real games will simply stop being made. You need to put ads on the air addressing this directly. But you can't have a man in a suit deliver the message, nobody liked it when you did that the last time. Instead deliver the message from the gamer's point of view.

On the other hand you need to make players realize you do have options for simple, low cost games that don't come off as "cheap". Show the world this e-shop you have! You need to get these minigames on TV as well. You need to have retailers put prepaid e-shop cards next to the 3DS games shelf. Have game-specific cards for sale at retail, only to give the games visibility.

Third, the 3DS e-shop needs more quality games. You need to start making some genuine first-party offerings on this platform. Make high-res versions of top-selling DS games available on the e-shop. Make new first-party IP and try to secure 3D versions of popular smartphone games. We need an “Angry Birds” killer there! Get in the game!

And finally, you need to lower the prices on all platforms. Retail games should be at most $30, and e-shop titles could drop a buck or two, specially outdated DSi ware games. Just don't drop 'em all the way down to "dirt cheap". This would be counter-productive on the devaluation argument, but all games have their prices lowered eventually, so I don't see why downloadable games can't.

Once more, I am happy with my 3DS and I still recommend it, even more so now that it's cheaper. Sure, I felt ripped off when I first heard of the price drop, but today I feel it's a good thing (even without the Ambassador Program bonuses) because I understand that I won't see the system's true potential if it doesn't sell well. But not everybody sees it this way, and you need to work on that.

Sincerely:
Your greatest fanboy

Outdated Review: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D

When the time came to write the review for Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D, I asked myself: "Self, what do Downcast readers expect from this Outdated Review™?" To which I answered "what readers?" So I'll just post a slightly amusing anecdote accompanied with my impressions on the game.

We're talking about a game that was first released in 1998. I'm going to spare you gameplay-specific details because you've probably played it already. In case you haven't, I suggest you Google it for the details, but you should at least know this: The original was critically acclaimed as the greatest game ever, and many believe it still is. The game also introduced many gameplay mechanics used to this day.

I never really played the original. I never owned a N64, and when I finally found someone to lend me one (I think the owner already had a GameCube) I decided I'd just watch as my wife played it. You see, she's not much of a gamer, but when she likes a game, she gets very OCD about it, and she doesn't mind spoiling the game for others. Hell, she doesn't even mind spoiling it for herself. But I did watch the whole thing, even the obsessive gold skulltula hunting.

As I recall, the N64 graphics were always ugly, I guess the system's much hyped antialiasing only served to make everything look like a nauseating blur. But the game wasn't particularly famous for its graphics, sound or special effects. It was simply a great game. It had lots of fun things to do, and that magic that only Shigeru Miyamoto can produce. Another thing that made the game very memorable was the music. The Lost Woods theme is even catchier than the Super Mario Bros. 2 theme (Tetris theme B still reigns supreme, though)!

The game was fun enough I was satisfied watching someone else play it, only pitching in on occasion to help solve a particularly tough puzzle.

Now, if I tell you, "they took the greatest game ever, updated the graphics and frame rate, added touchscreen menus, motion-sensing controls and high-res, widescreen, three freaking dee graphics!" it would be a pretty simple way to sell it to you. But was it as simple as that? No not really.

I really want to tell you this is a perfect game. But there are a couple things they didn't get right. I tend to leave what I didn't like for the end but I figure that might leave you with a negative impression, and I really want you to want this game, so I'll start with that.

I think one of the things I didn't particularly love was how the game was ported over to a handheld. Forget the graphics, sound or controls. A handheld game needs a certain degree of accessibility if it is to be played on the go. They went through all the trouble of adding the sheikah stones (or n00b stones as those of us who grew up on Halo call 'em) but they couldn't add an auto save function? You have to remember to save your game every once in a while, which truly shows this is a game from the nineties, and then when you load the game you always start on the same place, and have to walk all the way back to where you were to continue.

This is only a mild annoyance, the game actually has an advantage over the console in that when you close the system it goes to sleep mode, but what if my battery power runs out, or I drop my 3Ds and the cartridge pops out?

Regarding the 3D effect I think it is fantastic. Let me give you a few in-game examples. When you go to Lake Hylia and head towards the scarecrows, it will happen that you will be running then Link will jump and roll because there is a sudden drop you didn't see. This doesn't happen in 3D. You can see the fluctuations on the ground even when the texture and shading is identical throughout. This is particularly useful when riding, as Epona doesn't like that kind of jumps. When the princess drops the namesake instrument in the moat, it took my wife about 5 tries to get it because she couldn't quite line herself up; this doesn't happen in 3D because you can tell exactly where it is at the bottom.

The only problem with the effect is that at times you can feel the camera slightly focusing back and forth when you stand still in awkward positions, and sometimes the camera wobbles when going up stairs which can be dizzying when the 3D is on.

The game also features gyroscopic controls, specifically used to move the camera about and to aim long-ranged weapons, much like in Face Raiders. I find this absolutely brilliant. Just aim and shoot! There is one problem though; the same Face Raiders has: moving the system is tricky when playing in 3D.

So you have three options for aiming:

• Disable 3D and aim with the gyroscope by slightly skewing the system.
• Disable the gyroscopes and aim with the analog nub in 3D.
• Hold the system like you're playing Face Raiders, and rotate your entire body when aiming in 3D

I still can't understand why they couldn't just have an option to have the 3D temporarily disabled while gyroscoping! If you've ever fired a weapon you may have noticed one tends to shut one eye anyway. Just add a neat "blink" transition effect and bingo!

Now regarding the graphics, this is where the grievances end. To me the game is beautiful. Sure, the polygon count is almost the same as the original (in order to conserve the gameplay geometry) but the graphics are still beautiful. They smoothed and redid the textures so everything just pretty even up close.

No, you can't count the hairs on link's head. No, you can't see up his nostrils. No, you can't smell the grass. But what you see is still really pretty (except for some of the NPCs). The nasty anti-aliasing is gone. The frame rate is smooth. The colors are dreamy. Just staring at the sky, the sunset, the moon, the stars and the sunrise is magical. If you hear someone telling you the graphics are outdated, please smack 'em on the back of the head and tell them 201d said to STFU.

Then there's the fact that it's now widescreen and almost all of the data from the HUD has been moved to the bottom screen.

Speaking of which, another innovation is the touchscreen controls. These are pure genius. They took the original's cumbersome pause menus and put them on the bottom screen. While playing you will see the area map, and you can tap different "tabs" to pause the game and bring out the different menus from the original, which have been slightly improved. On the GEAR menu you can switch swords, shields and tunics, plus it shows the different key items you've earned (stones, medallions, etc.). On the MAP screen you can change floors and see some extra map information. On the ITEMS menu you see all other usable or equippable items. Note that boots are now selected on the ITEMS menu, rather than GEAR menu, so they can be assigned to a button to be changed on the fly (making the Water Temple 98% easier).

Just like in the original you can bind items to buttons that do not have a set function. This time around B is your sword button, A is the context button, L is for... uh... "L Targeting” and R is for the shield. That leaves Y and X to customize, plus they added two icons on the touchscreen right next to the buttons that you can also customize. On the opposite corners of the screen there’s a "camera" icon and an icon permanently bound to your ocarina.

It would have been nice if they implemented some of the 3DS' features such as StreetPass, but they would probably feel tacked-on or entirely disrupt the balance of the game, so at the same time I'm glad they didn't.

In general the game is loads of fun and certainly still relevant. If you noticed, all my complaints were regarding things that could have been added. Nothing was changed for the worse, nothing was taken away. So those 100 out of 100 reviews it got back then still apply here. If you've played the original, buy if or the nostalgia, if you haven’t, buy it because you're missing out on the greatest game ever.