Pokemon Go: Approach With Caution.

So here's my game review: it's a free game, just get it and check it out, it's a lot of fun! Delete it if you don't like it. It's riddled with glitches and connectivity issues, and needs a lot of balancing, but that should be taken care of soon. That's it.

But before you do, here are some words of caution. A few years ago I wrote a piece about Ingress, and most of it also applies to Pokémon GO. Please check it out for context.

You will never be the very best.

This is not a game of skill. It's a game of mindless grinding. Walk, swipe, repeat. Niantic made a point not to alienate Pokemon Noobs (like me) and it works. The game gives you each Pokemon's stats and even assembles the ideal team for every battle. Just tap the screen.

You can also purchase boosts via micro-transactions. Also, location is key. Some players literally live and work around "pokestops" while others have to drive for hours to the nearest one.

It is pretty obvious that at the game progresses and gains popularity, there will be more premium content. You will have to visit specific stores, or buy certain products to stay ahead. Some of these stores or products may not exist in your town, city, or country.

What this means for you is that there will always be a kid with more free time, more money, and more nearby locations. No matter how hard you try. Effort is meaningless in this game.

If you decide you still want to play, you will have to fight the urge to put effort into the game. To spend gas money driving around. To spend cash in poke-coins. To trash talk other teams. To plan strategies. To walk more. You will not be rewarded for your effort, you will only have a constant feeling that you must try harder. I've seen cars speeding from stop to stop late at night in my neighborhood, screeching to a halt wherever a pokemon spawns. They seem frantic, desperate to gain an edge. Niantic is banking on this frustration do drive players to buy boosts with real money.

Uber knows you're more likely to pay more for your ride when your battery is running low. Niantic knows you're more likely to buy pokeballs if they make a rare pokemon spawn next to you when you have none.

I explained this to my wife yesterday morning and we both laughed, a few hours later she sent me a screenshot today to show off her in-game progress without knowing that screen also shows the amount of coins she had bought. A rare pokemon was there and she was fresh outta pokeballs. We're on a budget, and even though five bucks won't break us, it feels like a lot given the worthlessness of what was purchased. Once I realized this I knew I had to stop. The desire to one-up everybody else is strong even among the closest of friends, friendship be damned.

With enough maturity the game can be played casually. If you can manage this, the game is fun. Unless you're playing all by yourself while surrounded by friends...

You picked the wrong team.

In order to play the game competitively you need backup. Going solo will result in immediate defeat.

Just like in ingress, the game is not about "leading" every gym, but about leading as many as possible. It is far easier to bring down an enemy gym than to build one up for your team, and this makes sense because otherwise things would seldom change. But the scale tips so hard on the side of destruction that you can literally see gyms switching colors a few times per minute on busy areas. It all feels so pointless.

If you decide to play be sure to ask your friends what team they are, and pick the one most popular among them. Failing to do so will result in unfriendly competition, You simply will not be able to play together. If your friends are on an opposing team, everything yo do will hurt them, and vice versa.

So, you are on your friends team. When you get to work or school, it may be dominated by another team. Or your entire town, even. the team mechanic is divisive no matter how you see it.

I convinced a few family members to play, even though soon enough someone else would. But for some reason they all chose team valor, even though they knew I was team Mystic. So we can't even play as a family. If I chose to go on a trip with them, we simply wouldn't be able to make much progress, because we'd be competing. If all of us put in the effort to conquer a gym in a secluded location (hoping it lasts), only some of us will be rewarded for the trip. We can't all claim it. It's them or me now. And I simply do not want to be in that situation, so I thought I'd quit and deleted the app...

It's not easy to quit.

So I guess I can't do that. The addiction has settled in my family, and they want me to play along some more. Somehow not wanting to continue this cycle of pointless competition makes me a jerk.

I guess we'll have to have a family talk on how to approach this before things go sour. I suggest you do the same with your family and or circle of friends. Set some rules, some honor code, and figure out whats to do when you get to a distant gym and everyone wants to claim it, I still haven't.

Miitomo walkthrough and strategy guide.

Here's how to beat all your friends at nintendo's first ever smartphone game, Miitomo:

1. It's not a game.
2. You can't win.
3. You can't lose.
4. You're not supposed to play it.

Follow these four easy steps and you will be above the competition! Having any expectation of having "fun" while "playing" Miitomo will ruin it for you. You will "burn out" if you try to "unlock" all the "content". You will realize there is no "reward" to "leveling up".

Miitomo is a social app. Just like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and such! It's used for communicating. The only difference, though, is that it controls the flow of information, and that's a good thing. Less spam! More meaningful conversation!

Alright, here's some actual tips:

1. Answer questions honestly - You can't get to know your friends if they are too busy posting dumb answers to amuse themselves.
2. Make fun miifotos - Miifotos have fgreat potential, share them everywhere!
3. Don't add random people - You don't care what some random person off the internet did last weekend, trust me.
4. Make your mii look like you - miis will move, do facial expresion, and wear different outfits. If your mii has eyebrows for antennae, you're fucking the whole thing up. You asshole.
5. Use proper spelling and grammar - Miis will read posts out loud, please, for the love of iwata, type accordingly!
6. Everybody likes pizza - I'm pretty sure there's a more interesting dish that you like.
7. Check the app maybe once or twice a day, or you'll burn out - IT'S NOT A GAME!
8. Start conversations - don't just comment "same!" Share your thoughts! And not just your answer to the same question! Sheesh!

I'm too old for Splatoon, but I can't stop playing.

I've been hella busy lately, so here's a quick update on Splatoon:

So. being the bona-fide Nintendo fanboy that I am, I was quite exited to hear about Splatoon. But I was cautiously optimistic. I thought it had the potential to be a hit, but it would certainly not be for me.

Then they released the "testfire" stress test/demo, and I had to give it a try. Not only was the game lots of fun, but I was actually quite good at it! Then there was another test, and I was kicking ass! So of course I wanted the game!

Nintendo had made a formula in which casual players could be good at a competitive first person shooter! And it's an awesome game!

Then came the updates. They added new weapons, and new maps, each more complex and harder to master. And that was a problem. I was falling behind. I was great with the newbie weapons, and I knew the newbie maps like the back of my hand, but the kids with the fast reflexes and the zero responsibilities started gaining an advantage. Things get so intense I end up with a headache if i play too long. Yep. it's no longer a relaxing activity.

So here I am, with twelve-year-old kids running circles around me. Aching to play with adults. I tried for about 6 months to form a regular "squad". For a few weeks I had a "regular group", and as we played it would turn out they were little kids too.

To this day, none of my friends play the game, either. Not even those who have it!

So I think the problem with this IP is that Nintendo made it too focused towards millennials. And it's a shame because it's a great game. I still have hopes that they perfect the ranking and matchmaking algorithms so that I don't have a stroke playing this game.