Tuesday, May 14, 2013

You want Mario on your iPhone and I want a real life baby unicorn.

I don't always blog, but when I do, it's because of something stupid I saw on the Internet.
Listen, I've had it up to here with your stupid "Nintendo should start making IOS/Android games" posts. You're stupid and so is your mother's face. - me
Lately I've observed this disturbing trend were professional video game writers and so called analysts go on rambling about how Nintendo should pull a SEGA and start selling their games on smartphones and tablets.

I've commented on these posts whenever I see them, but haters just won't listen to reason. I think now I understand why. The key word here is "should". I can't call out the fallacy because of THAT word. Were they saying "Nintendo must", "it would be profitable to Nintendo if" or anything among those lines, my argument that Nintendo sells consoles at a loss and only starts making profit after a few games are sold for each would suffice.


Should (SHo͝od), Verb
  • Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions: "he should have been careful".
  • Indicating a desirable or expected state: "by now students should be able to read".
By that logic. I could make a blog post about how the people of the world should unite and name me their new leader. I also think IOS and Android should make love and give birth to baby iDroids, which they would hand out for FREE, preloaded with each piece of software ever known to man. They would also have a Sega Genesis cartridge slot, and it would come packaged with Sonic 3 AND Sonic & Knuckles cartridges. Why should they? Because that's what I want, Isn't that a valid reason?

Listen, Mario is, right now, the most recognized character in video games, and the franchise is the top selling video game franchise of all time. OF ALL TIME! Hell, Mario is arguably more popular than Mickey Mouse! And that's on Nintendo systems alone (and the occasional odd PC licence). Would the franchise sell better if it were available on smartphones? Logic dictates YES, but it doesn't need to sell any better! Not only is it selling well, its selling best, and that's better enough.

Fact: People buy Nintendo consoles to play Nintendo games, and their oft-criticized lack of third party support aids my argument. Wii is the best selling console of this generation, matched only by XBOX 360, but the sales figures for those don't mention that avid fanboys repeatedly buy replacement consoles whenever their Xboxes die, and that the system has been repachaged a million times. The only reason Wii sales have dwindled recently is because of the Wii U.

Finally, always remember Nintendo is a hardware company, just like Apple is a hardware company. Apple makes all kinds of neat software and services to sell their hardware, to the point some of their hardware is actually popular because of the software. Apple is known because their software, especially the operating systems, are built from the ground up along the hardware, and you don't see people asking Apple to sell IOS on Samsung devices. So why should Nintendo allow their competition to use their software? Is it because their hardware is selling so poorly, kinda like what SEGA did? Well, kiddo, the difference between SEGA and Nintendo's (and I'm a SEGA fanboy before a Nintendo fanboy) is that their hardware actually sells a lot better than their competition, even though the loud minority composed of "hardcore" gamer wants you to think otherwise. Just look at the sales numbers.

So quit whining about how you want Mario on your iPhone or Pokemon on your Android, buy a goddamned Nintendo system or STFU and GTFO.