My Egress from Ingress

Some of you might have heard of this game called Ingress. Lemme tell you about it, from my biased point of view.

The concept is fascinating, really. Google overlays an MMO over Google Maps. Meaning that in order to move your avatar in the game world, you have to move your smartphone in the real world. "Augmented reality" they call it. They tie places of interest in reality to "portals" in-game. You have to go to those portals and claim them. It's fun. Then you trace lines along these portals, and when you form a triangle it's filled in your faction's color, successfully claiming that turf for your loyal faction.

The game features minimalistic graphics, and gives verbal cues to most actions, so that you may play while you walk. Headphones are suggested on the load screen.

"Hold on, m'homie" you may be wondering. "Do I have to get off my couch for this?" you may ask. Yes. Yes you have. You have to get out there, and if you're serious about it, or if you want your faction's approval, you have to get in your car and spend some serious gas money on it. Now, before you run away, I assure you, the game ties in-game locations to places of interest. So you should be leaving your house to see cool places! Every time you play it's an adventure! At least in theory. In reality you will find most portals are garbage. Somehow Google thought it would be good to let users submit portals in order to mine the data and profit by measuring human traffic... but the result was players who wanted more portals started reporting bus stops, lawn ornaments, signs and such as portals, and Google played along. You will spend your day running from uninteresting location to uninteresting location.

"But it sure is worth it, right?" You may ask next. "Capturing all those portals and claiming the land for your faction sounds satisfying!" Sure. Sure it is. Until some jerk from the other faction shows up and claims them. Portals usually last a day or two. You're not meant to keep them forever. It takes a while to realize Ingress is a plate-spinning game. The idea is to have as many going as possible, not to have them all. This can be extremely frustrating if you're outnumbered, or someone in the opposing faction is targeting you or even cheating.

And boy, is there cheating! It's a well known fact that some players play from their couches, spoofing coordinates in a PC running an Android emulator. Targeting large fields and remote portals. These people never seem to get banned. Google provides a nice "intel" page that players may peruse to plan their trips. Some players, however, use forbidden apps that mine this system for extra information, this allows the cheater to virtually stalk other players and harass them. Of course, if you ask these cheaters, they will say they're just hardcore and insist it's OK to break the rules as long as you don't like them.

But then there's those who don't cheat the game, but still have an unfair advantage, and use it to troll other players. I can think of many examples, but some may come off as whiny, so I'll skip to the worst. There is an actual police officer that actively plays while on duty. Pretty much funding his Ingress addiction with taxpayer dollars. He will use his badge to get to hard-to-reach places and will use his uniform to intimidate others. If that doesn't make you want to flip a table, I don't know what will.

"What about the community?" I'm assuming you asked. Well they're OK. You'll meet fun people, and may even organize fun expeditions. But then there's the stalkers, the faction-switchers, the spies... then there's the roleplayers...

Google has made a point to give the game an RPG feel by adding a "backstory". They gave names to the factions and have even established recurring characters that come up in social media posts. Some players play along and that's fine. I'm a fan of RPGs myself. But this is a game that takes place in real life. And it's freaking scary when people do it as part of their regular lives. Some take the grudge between the factions too far and make threatening posts and such. It creates a very hostile environment.

So basically it's everything I hate about an MMO, without any of the things I like about MMOs. Eventually I got tired of coming home late because I had to spin so many plates on my way. I got tired of blocking the creepy players. I got tired of trash talking. I got tired of reporting fake portals. I got tired of visiting lawn ornaments and road signs. I got tired of the endless notifications. I got tired of being antagonized by fucking Robocop. I own many games that are far better and require far less effort. If you need me, I'll be playing Tetris.

I Fink u Froakie and I Like u Alot

I've never been a Pokemon fan. I never even saw the appeal of it. You go around the world doing horrible things to innocent creatures for fun and the only thing that is at stake is... uh...  that someone else may have more pokemon slaves than you. I say slaves instead of pets because I know some of these are sentient.

On the other hand, Pokemon is a pop culture phenomenon that is VERY hard to avoid. I'd seen the cartoons, I'd seen the memes, I even completed the pokedex in the 3DS (I was bored at work)! I'll throw around phrases like "it's super effective" when surrounded by pokemon people, and I'd probably be able to to name quite a few pokemon. One really can't just ignore it, but one sure can try, and try I did; I steered clear of any actual pokemon games for all these years, simply because I knew it'd take up too much of my limited brain capacity.

For the last few weeks, Nintendo ran this promotion where they were giving out a free download code for Pokemon X/Y... It's free dagnabbit, I can't turn down a freebie! So since my son's 3DS is broken, I decided to install it in my 3ds and give it a go. The truth is that I had knocked it before I had tried it, and maybe it deserves a chance.

So here I am, I've played for about an hour... and I still don't get it. What's the point of the entire game? My character is a boy and an unknown man told him to leave home on an adventure! Stranger danger! His mom immediately packed his stuff and sent him off to enslave all the pokemen. I love you too, mom!

I chose Froakie as my starter and named him Freakie (because I'm so froaking clever). I assume I have to walk down the road because there is nowhere else to go. That's my motivation to move forward; because my other option is to stay where I started. You call this an RPG?

So I find a creature in the grass, I tell my creature to beat it up, and if it doesn't quite die I get to keep it and torture it. Hooray! If something interesting doesn't happen soon, I'll erase my save.

So why am I writing this, then? Why not just stop playing now? Because something freaky is going on. I find myself giggling uncontrollably at the references made in-game! I cheer when I see a pokemon I recognize! ...and I feel I have to catch more! This game is tickling that "ooh, I've seen this before" nerve in my brain, and it's all backwards! You're supposed to play this game FIRST, then enjoy the memes, the cartoons, the damn pokedex...

...It's all backwards? Why? What is the meaning of life? What if, this whole thing is just a dream? Maybe there is no reality, and all exists within my head, which only exists because I thought of it.

One thing is certain, this blog only exists in my head, and I'm the only one that reads it. I haven't written in ages and I have so much to say about the Wii U, Bravely Default, and a handful of mobile games. Oh well. I'll write more about this game once I've gotten a few more hours into it.

Watch a GameStop employee make an ass out of himself.

I have decided GameStop no longer deserves my business.

Yesterday I visited a GameStop store because a flyer on their door caught my eye. It said I could get double in-store credit for my game system trade-in. Now, before I entered the store I did some quick math in my brain:

The normal trade-in value for a Nintendo 3DS is about $80.00. I say about because I'm aware prices fluctuate. A new nintendo 3DSXL costs $199.99. Therefore 199.99 - ( 80 * 2) = 39.99. HOLYCRAP! I can upgrade for just 40 bucks? Where do I sign? I rushed inside and asked for the trade-in value of a 3DS under this new promotion. The man kindly said it's about $100.00. Wait a minute! 80 * 2 > 100! I calmly asked; Is the regular trade-in value around $50.00? The man explained the prices fluctuate, which is perfectly understandable, but then he went on. He said something to the effect of "They play with the values a bit before the promotion, but it's still the most we've ever offered." Please note the word he used was "play".

How kind of him. I walked out. I'm not a victim. I was not ripped off. I don't need to sell my 3DS. I don't need a 3DSXL. But I decided to vent online about how I almost fell for the bait and switch, and hopefully an any potential victims. This is what happened:

I posted a screen capture in case they delete the post, but the conversation is still ongoing here.

Now the subject of the post changes entirely. Let's say Ryan Smith (identified as games Advisor for GameStop on his Google+ profile) is absolutely right. Let's say there is no bait and switch and I should be grateful I'm getting double in-store credit. Fine. Why is he verbally abusing me? I'm not just a dude on the internet, I'm a customer at his employer's place of business, therefore I'm HIS customer! I found it particularly disgusting how he used all that hardcore corporate capitalist jargon at the end. His words, to me, represent the thoughts of an entire corporation.

Well, I guess there isn't much left to say, the comments say it all. Feel free to click the link and tell Mr. Smith (or me) how you feel about their trade-in policies and the quality of ther customer service. My point is that I'm not spending another dime on GameStop.

I have placed a complaint with GameStop and will update when they respond.

UPDATE: No answer from GameStop yet. The man has changed his employment status in G+ before denying working there.

You want Mario on your iPhone and I want a real life baby unicorn.

I don't always blog, but when I do, it's because of something stupid I saw on the Internet.

Listen, I've had it up to here with your stupid "Nintendo should start making IOS/Android games" posts. You're stupid and so is your mother's face. - me

Lately I've observed this disturbing trend were professional video game writers and so called analysts go on rambling about how Nintendo should pull a SEGA and start selling their games on smartphones and tablets.

I've commented on these posts whenever I see them, but haters just won't listen to reason. I think now I understand why. The key word here is "should". I can't call out the fallacy because of THAT word. Were they saying "Nintendo must", "it would be profitable to Nintendo if" or anything among those lines, my argument that Nintendo sells consoles at a loss and only starts making profit after a few games are sold for each would suffice.

Should (SHo͝od), Verb

• Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions: "he should have been careful".

• Indicating a desirable or expected state: "by now students should be able to read".

By that logic. I could make a blog post about how the people of the world should unite and name me their new leader. I also think IOS and Android should make love and give birth to baby iDroids, which they would hand out for FREE, preloaded with each piece of software ever known to man. They would also have a Sega Genesis cartridge slot, and it would come packaged with Sonic 3 AND Sonic & Knuckles cartridges. Why should they? Because that's what I want, Isn't that a valid reason?

Listen, Mario is, right now, the most recognized character in video games, and the franchise is the top selling video game franchise of all time. OF ALL TIME! Hell, Mario is arguably more popular than Mickey Mouse! And that's on Nintendo systems alone (and the occasional odd PC licence). Would the franchise sell better if it were available on smartphones? Logic dictates YES, but it doesn't need to sell any better! Not only is it selling well, its selling best, and that's better enough.

Fact: People buy Nintendo consoles to play Nintendo games, and their oft-criticized lack of third party support aids my argument. Wii is the best selling console of this generation, matched only by XBOX 360, but the sales figures for those don't mention that avid fanboys repeatedly buy replacement consoles whenever their Xboxes die, and that the system has been repachaged a million times. The only reason Wii sales have dwindled recently is because of the Wii U.

Finally, always remember Nintendo is a hardware company, just like Apple is a hardware company. Apple makes all kinds of neat software and services to sell their hardware, to the point some of their hardware is actually popular because of the software. Apple is known because their software, especially the operating systems, are built from the ground up along the hardware, and you don't see people asking Apple to sell IOS on Samsung devices. So why should Nintendo allow their competition to use their software? Is it because their hardware is selling so poorly, kinda like what SEGA did? Well, kiddo, the difference between SEGA and Nintendo's (and I'm a SEGA fanboy before a Nintendo fanboy) is that their hardware actually sells a lot better than their competition, even though the loud minority composed of "hardcore" gamer wants you to think otherwise. Just look at the sales numbers.

So quit whining about how you want Mario on your iPhone or Pokemon on your Android, buy a goddamned Nintendo system or STFU and GTFO.

The Damsel In Distress

Just in time for international women's day, this video comes up, reminding us of a serious issue that is still rampant in the world of gaming, sexism.

Do you think this will turn into a PR disaster for Nintendo? I hope it doesn't, but this, together with turning their only good female character into a bootylicious blonde with daddy issues in Metroid Other M, should not go unnoticed. To be honest, I lost a bit of respect for Miyamoto after watching that video.

What are your thoughts? Please comment! In the meantime, here's a video of a hacked Donkey Kong game on which Pauline saves Mario.