Hey! Listen! Leave Navi alone!

"Fly, Navi, fly! The fate of the forest, nay, the world, depends upon thee!" - The Deku Tree

When I first saw The Legend of Zelda, one of the things that most impressed me was Navi. You see, I believed they had changed the way games would be made that day. They had figured a way to make a "living, breathing" cursor that helped you navigate a 3D world. It wasn't a dumb arrow, a blinking highlight or such. It wouldn't beep, or even halt the game with a text message to catch your attention; instead you'd get a cheerful "HEY!"

After that game I expected game creators to resort to more in-game resources to point the player in the right direction so the storytelling could flow. I daydreamed about the day one of the members in your party in a JRPG would point and say "maybe we should check that out". Instead we got stuck looking at cursors, arrows, HUDs, life gauges…

I'm pretty sure Miyamoto and his team were also enamored with the whole Navi concept. For the first five minutes of the game you'd think she was the protagonist! The scene in which she zips through the forest with her own catchy theme playing in the background, dodging kokiris here and there, only to bump into a fence! The way she shakes it off and continues on her quest to save the world. She HAD to find the boy… the boy with no fairy. I guess it missed its mark with the rest of mankind, but to me she was established as an important character for the remainder of the game. Not just a cursor.

Whenever she went "hey!" I knew there was something I should watch out for, and eventually she became white noise just like every other sound effect in the game, just like the gazillion footsteps, Link's fierce war cry every time he swings his sword or rolls (HHYYYYAAAAAAHHH!!!!!) or the horrible warning you get when running low on hearts (on every single Zelda game). But still, a human voice is always a thousand times more pleasing to the ear than a random chime.

Why is it, then, that Navi gets so much hate? Nobody ever bashes Link's overacting. The answer is simple; it's just another internet meme that refuses to die. I'm pretty sure someone thought it'd be funny to post a video of her repeating her famous line over and over, then some idiot who had never played the game listened to it, reached the conclusion that Navi is annoying, and decided to forward it to his friends, who in turn started remixing the sound. Before you know it everybody hates Navy out of peer pressure. Do you even remember what the game is like? She never goes off on a loop like that! Lies, all lies!

If you're going to let the internet brainwash you, let Downcast do it. I'd never steer your wrong! Now fly! Buy yourself a Nintendo 3DS and a copy of Ocarina of Time 3D! Then come back in a week or two when I will have an in-depth review of the game, even though everybody knows it's awesome already! Go!

Outdated Review: 3D Classics: Exitebike

If you own a 3DS and you're reading this before July 7^th 2011, forget about this stupid blog and go download the game! It's free until then. If you don't, well, run and buy a 3DS! This game is really neat!

You've probably heard or even played the original so I'm not going to bore you with a 26 year old review (talk about outdated!) If you haven't, well, Google it, goshdarnit! Thousands of reviews have been posted over the ages, including gameplay videos!

What you might not be able to see in Google, though, is the awesome 3D effect accomplished in this game.

In terms of menus, you get a pre-game main screen with a high-res logo, a catchy tune and three options: Start Game, Records, and Options. When you hit Start Game you see the original splash screen (but with a checkered background). The options there are still Selection A, Selection B, and Design. In Design mode it reverts to the pre-game 2st century graphics to allow making tracks easier, and trust me, it is. It's also fun. You have 32 slots to save them and you can rename them. Truly awesome, too bad you can't share them online.

The real retro goodness occurs, of course, in Selection A or B modes. It's hard to describe (screenshots work better) but they literally just turned a 2D side scrolling motocross into a 3D masterpiece that still carries all the 8-bit nostalgia you'd get from a straight up emulator!

I strongly suggest launching this game with the 3D off. Originally what you see is a game adjusted for a wide screen. The graphics do not appear stretched or resized even though clearly the 3DS screen is of a higher resolution than a NES display, all you get is some extra track on the sides to fill the wider display. The gages and timers on bottom remain the same with some extra data thrown in. The magic occurs as you adjust the analog 3D slider, the track leans back accordingly without the slightest hint of smoothing or antialiasing or anything beyond 8-bit graphics in terms of color or resolution (even though it's clearly happening). Since now you can now see the horizon, you get to see more of the stadium, and even the sky with clouds.

The game plays exactly the same and the sounds are loyal to the original, including the dreaded "OVER HEAT" screech. Since higher pitched 8-bit sounds travel better over the air, you get a very loud experience, causing people around you to turn and look at the sounds that bring back pleasant memories from their childhoods (or annoy the heck out of them).

The game still carries a lot of replay value. As a kid I used to just jam on the gas button and aim for the big ramps. Now that I understand what is going on, I adjust my landings, manage my boost/heat ratio and focus on getting high scores. It's so much fun.

Even if you're not the early adopter kind and you miss the free promotion, I still recommend you pay for it.